Current Project: Argonaut Book #2 (Currently Untitled)
Status: Plotting
As most of you already know, my hubby had back surgery last Friday. He's had chronic back pain for about three years now, with no one event triggering the pain (that either of us can pinpoint). We're convinced his back problems are a combination of things - sports, his active lifestyle, the shape of his body - long torso, etc. He's tried almost everything over the years to relieve the pain - physical therapy, pain management, a series of procedures that temporarily "masked" the pain, but never fixed the problem, and was finally at a point where he just wanted relief, no matter where it came from. A few months ago he saw a neurosurgeon at OHSU who recommended Transforaminal Lumbar Interbody Fusion - or, in layman's terms, fusing the two bottom disks in his back. Back surgery is serious stuff, and not to be taken lightly. And he went into it knowing it was his last option. I was aware of all the risks going into the surgery, as well. Had prepared myself for surgery day and everything that would come after. But Friday morning, when the DH was lying on the gurney in the pre-op chute and the surgeon came in to go through - one more time - the procedure and possible side effects and risks, I nearly lost it.
There's a moment from that day that will forever be ingrained in my head. When the surgeon looked down at my husband's left hand and said, "That's a nice ring. But you have to take it off." At that moment, the reality of the situation hit me. Here was my big, strong, fairly healthy husband, who walked into that hospital on his own, not on death's doorstep, but by choice, about to go in for a surgery that could lead to all kinds of complications and side effects, not the least of which could be loss of movement or even death. It was a heady moment for me as I watched the nursing staff wheel him out of the room to disappear around the corner. And at that moment, I was forced with nothing to do but put my faith and trust in a surgeon I'd only met once or twice and didn't know from Adam.
A three hour surgery turned into four. One hour in recovery stretched to four plus. Even though the surgeon had told me my husband had come through the procedure just fine, I worried. Around 4:30pm, after 9 hours of stress and wondering, I gave up all pretense of trying to hold it together. I ended up standing in the hallway outside his room, waiting for someone to wheel him back to me. And then, out of the blue, I thought about all those sappy AHA! romance novel moments. You know the ones...usually just after the climax, when one character is critically injured and it's at that moment that the other character realizes how much that person really means to them. Personally, I've always thought those AHA! moments were cliched and rather stupid, but standing there in that hallway, waiting, I finally got it. Those moments work because there's nothing more powerful than facing the fact life as you know it could drastically change forever without that one person who makes your world so special.
I'm happy to report the DH is now home. His ring is no longer hanging from a chain around my neck but is safely back on his finger. The drugs are starting to wear off and his snarky attitude is shining through (as evidenced by his comment this morning comparing my nursing abilities to those of Kathy Bates). And as a result, my sniveling sappiness is also wearing off, especially as I face the long road of recovery with him ahead (save me now!!!). But the reality of that AHA! moment has stayed with me, and I don't think I'll ever read a life or death AHA! romance scene the same again. I might even write one. Because you know what? They work. I know from experience.
What do you think of those life-or-death AHA! moments? Do you like them? Do you write them? And what personal AHA! moments do you draw from when you're writing?
9 comments:
Interesting! I haven't had a life or death aha! But, when I was in a car accident that thankfully only gave me whiplash but totaled the car, my husband turned the whitest I've ever seen him when we went to look at the car. And for a week afterwards, he would get physically sick every time he thought about the car or looked at a photo of it. He said he'd never been so scared in his life as he was thinking how I could have been taken from him.
The ironic thing- I didn't have any kids with me that day and I was hauling an acetylene tank in the trunk of my car. I was in a Tempo and was rear ended by a jacked up pickup and shoved into the car ahead of me. I think what bothered my dh was I could have been blown up with that tank in my trunk and we'd argued over me taking it to town and getting it filled. I didn't want the thing in my car.
As for those moments in my books. I cheat- most of my books they realize they love the person before that black moment,but the black moment snaps them out of the denial they can have a life together.
I'm glad the dh is getting better. But I don't envy you the nursing. Men are such babies! LOL
I would agree with you about the AHA moment in books. It never did anything for me. Almost seemed like a tool to pry a reaction from the reader. BUT, some authors do it very well and have had me in tears before.
Your type of situation will cause you to be in a certain mindset the next time you read one. I think life experiences influence how we react to what we read. I can't read sad stories that have children's deaths in them. But before I had kids, no problem.
I'm glad Dan is doing well. Chin up! Maybe you could find a sexy nurse uniform from Halloween to make his days easier.
No life or death aha moments for me either, at least none involving my husband. I had a boyfriend get in an accident on the way to may house once, and he was hurt pretty bad, but I was only 16 and immature and selfish. His car ran into a ditch and the way it landed, it looked like a big slice or orange bread in a toaster. Yes, the car was orange. He broke his back, but didn't need surgery. He healed up just fine. In fact, I saw him at my mom's funeral two years ago.
I broke my back in a sky diving accident when I was 19, but it was pretty minor as breaks go. Broke one of the vertebra in my lower back. It aches sometimes, but never gives me any real trouble.
My oldest daughter has degenerative disk disease and had 13 vertebrae fused about six years ago. They put a titanium rod in her spine, so she can't bend at the waist. Yet I'm amazed at how agile she is. Yoga is her thing and I can't imagine someone doing yoga without the ability to bend their back, but she does. Her posture is amazing, and she grew 2 inches after the surgery. I was there during and after the 8-hour surgery and it was very scary to have my baby girl (who was 24 at the time) putting her health at risk, but the chronic pain was too much for her to bear without it. She still suffers back pain, but it's more manageable now.
Good luck nursing the dh back to health, Eli. Husbands make the worse patients. 8^) Hope he's better soon.
Eli -- I'm in the hospital right now answering this as my mother fell yesterday and broke her pelvis. Turned out she also had pneumonia, and so they admitted her for a few days. Yesterday, standing in the ER and watching her half out of her mind, uncommunicative and miserable, I thought this was the end. Today she is smiling and eating and getting and making jokes. It's like a rebirth.
Meanwhile, I had an aha like yours when my husband had heart surgery. Oddly, it didn't strike me so much before as after, when I saw him, and then I realized how invasive this surgery was and how easily it could have gone wrong. It was an eye opener.
I have never belittled or felt manipulated by aha moments. I've written more than my share of them. They are life, they are emotion and I'm not sure why anyone would be drawn to romance without also being drawn to emotion. The fact a person can finally understand they are not alone on earth, that their central core of self has been breached and enhanced and stolen away by another human being is one of the true wonders of mankind.
Like Paty, the understanding of what this really means came when I almost died and I saw the look on my husband's face and even more importantly, watched him care for me, sacrificing his own welfare, trying to shield me. His love was everywhere and it meant the world to me just as yours does to your husband even if you went to the Kathy Bates school of nursing.
LOL, I'm glad Dan is getting better! I second Kendra's suggestion about the sexy nurse outfit.
Someone mentioned the MWV bad luck with mothers and dogs the other day. Alice, you've fallen under the curse! I hope your mother has a good recovery.
Everyone watch out.
Thanks, Kendra, I thought of that, too. Hmmm, Eli???
I don't mind life-and-death AHA moments in fiction, especially if the foundation has been well laid, though I usually prefer a minimum of "sap" (and even that depends on my mood at the time).
In real life, I've had a few of those moments. With my dad, when he was dying. With my mom when she went through her first cancer surgery almost 25 years ago With my mom again a few weeks ago when she went through her latest surgery. (And Eli, the surgery *always* takes more time than they tell you and it *always* takes longer in recovery than they expect! Nothing like being scared to death when a "2 hour" surgery takes 4 hours, because we all know longer just has to mean bad news.)
But the most eye opening for me by far was a few years ago. I woke from a sound sleep at 2am (Alice -- here's that "bolt upright" example) thinking we were having a serious earthquake only to find my husband shaking violently in bed. I've never been so grateful for firemen and paramedics in my life. Too much was going on for me to really process what was happening until after we got to Emergency and I had to wait and wait and wait before I could go see him. Talk about your introspective, oh god, this isn't happening, AHA! moment. This was a totally unexpected, unknown event and I was scared to death. Everything turned out okay--he wasn't sick and still isn't--but, good grief, I never want to go through that again.
Eli, isn't it a relief to get back into familiar snarky attitudes? You just know things are okay when you can all be "normal". Alice, I hope your mother comes through this okay (and you, too!).
Hey, Eli, glad your hubby has his snarky attitude back!
And, Alice, so sorry about your mother. Glad she made a quick comeback to cheerful.
I've never had a problem with romance scenes where a character is faced with a life and death situation (or a situation worse than physical death) and had an AHA! realization. What's even more interesting to me is some people are totally undone by those situations and other people find that inner core of strength (another cliche) and emerge a better person.
Good luck with the recovery phase!
Loved this post Eli, and everyone's comments.
So glad that DH is recovering enough to give you a hard time. ;)
Alice, I hope your mom stays happy and gets well soon! The poor dear!
I love the AHA moments. I love the drippy saps who finally "get it".
Have any of you ever just sat around thinking of all the bad things that could happen to your loved one or you and what it would be like if you were suddenly parted by some horrid tragedy and then you start to cry? I've done this a lot and it's so dumb, but I think it's helped me to feel the feelings of how awful life would be without that person or people. It's a bit morbid, perhaps, but it helps me keep things in perspective sometimes. Strange as that sounds. LOL
When I was barely 19 I had a boyfriend named Ronnie that I'd been seeing for over a year. He and a bunch of guys we were friends with were over at the dunes together for a weekend of riding quads and being guys. Todd, my husband now, was there too. He didn't like Ronnie, but was friends with Ronnie's twin brother and the rest of the guys that went.
Ronnie got in a bad accident over there while riding because he'd been drinking. (stupid boy) He broke his pelvis and other parts of his body were wracked, too. They had to life-flight him off the beach, and they took him to a hospital over on the coast about 3 hours from where I lived.
When things settled down, Todd called me to tell me that he was with Ronnie at the hospital and Ronnie was badly hurt; but I had no romantic AHA moment at all about Ronnie when Todd told me what had happened. In fact, I didn't even really care and I didn't go see him in the hospital either. I eventually called him, but even then, I didn't have any deep, sad feelings. That was an AHA moment for me because I realized I really didn't care a fig about Ronnie and was wasting my time and his. What I did realize was that I was terribly relieved that it wasn't Todd that it happened to. (bad girl)
Ronnie and I broke up shortly after that. Isn't that terrible of me?!! And since I've been married to Todd, I've had dreams that he's always rescuing me from Ronnie. LOL WEIRD!!
Wow, sorry that was soooo long. :)
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