Current Project: Montana Open Sky Series
Status: Almost there
Show don't tell. It's the oldest adage in the world, isn't it? Consider this. I asked Elisabeth if she would read my first chapter which I have been struggling with like crazy. She agreed. She gave me some invaluable suggestions, and one little one was this: I had written, "You know anything about the gate over in Shadow Canyon?” Pierce asked as he dismounted. There wasn’t much snow on the ground at this lower elevation.
She suggested: "You know anything about the gate over in Shadow Canyon?” Pierce asked as he dismounted. His boots landed on a thin layer of crunchy, day old snow, a far cry from the three foot drifts he’d encountered at higher elevations when he’d been checking fences earlier in the day.
A little light bulb went on in my head and this is why:
There isn't a lot of debate about the value of showing versus telling. What little disagreement does exist seems to center on the degree. A book where one scene after another showed every nuance instead of using narrative would soon get so long and unbearable you'd put it down in a corner and sneak away. You simply can't show EVERYTHING. This I understand. As writers, we all pick and choose which scenes we'll develop and which scenes or situations will be condensed and used as transitions.
What Eli illustrated for me was how simple this same concept can be incorporated in small ways. She gave the image of three foot drifts of snow. She gave the crunchy sound of a boot landing on a thin layer of icy snow and we even know it fell the day before. It didn't take that many more words, but it has a nice feel to it that I like and it made me start looking at other throw away lines a little more closely.
It's interesting how we choose which scenes to illustrate, isn't it? How do we know? Most of us say we see certain scenes and I wonder when we write if we are really writing our way from one vision to the next. That makes sense to me though from now on I intend to pay more attention to the lines between the scenes...
Does this kind of thing strike you where you live? Do you have trouble balancing narrative and exposition? How do you decide which to use?
12 comments:
"...writing our way from one vision to the next."
This phrase jumped out at me, and reminded me of discussion on the Portland RWA loop that some writers worried they weren't getting the vision in their heads to translate to words on paper (or on the computer).
Perhaps the scenes we choose to develop are the ones that carry the most passion for us and are the heart of the story we want to tell.
As for the degree of development--that is the trickier question, isn't it? This is very timely as I've recently switched projects from writing stories of about 75,000 words to a novella of 30,000 words.
I depend on the editing process to shape my draft "crapola" into something readable, though I know that's something many of you do the first time through. And I'm going to add "examine 'throw-away' lines" to my list of edits to do.
One of my editing passes through the manuscript is to also ditch as many dialogue tags as possible--especially if I'm writing shorter stories where word count is so important--so I'd probably even get rid of "asked" to say "Pierce dismounted, his boots crunching on a thin layer of day old snow..." and rewrite the rest of this into another sentence.
The example you shared is a great way to show setting without resorting to a laundry list of the landscape. Just thinking out loud here that this could also be used to describe another character or deepen emotions or show a number of other pieces of your "vision" you want to convey to the reader without using lots of words.
Hmm...I like it! Thanks for sharing part of your writing process and adding another bullet to my editing arsenal!
LOL, Genene, I immediately went back to that part of the book and used your great changes and they looked wonderful -- until I read what came next and saw that tag line was the only one in a half page of dialogue and was needed. Either that or stick one in somewhere else. It's amazing how interconnected it all gets to be, isn't it?
I'm going to have to stick yours and Eli's names on the co-authored by list.
Alice, you hit on something I've been pondering the last couple of days. While editing one of my regular authors, I marveled at some of her picturesque descriptions and thought, I really have to go through my WIP when I'm done and see if I can make some scenes more vivid. And I don't just mean tossing in description but tightening and making it say more than it says. Like what Eli did with your sentence.
Paty -- Isn't it amazing how sometimes some example finally kind of gets through the fog? I mean it's not like you haven't seen it before or pondered it and neither am I new to this. I guess sometimes we're just more receptive...
Alice, I love this. Eli did a wonderful job with her edit for you.
This is something I've seen demonstrated by other writers, but this is such a clear example of how to add that extra 'oomph' to a story. I'm bookmarking this post as a great reminder, both while I'm writing that first draft and when I go back and edit.
That's what I thought, too, Debbie, that it was so clear. And it wasn't overburdened with every sense (Can you imagine: The smell of pine fresh in his nostrils, the mountains crystal white in the distance, he stepped on the crunchy snow as his hand slid down the smooth leather saddle and the horse whinnied, startling him so much he spit out a tangy piece of wintergreen gum.) LOL.
That Eli. She's a helpful gal, isn't she?
It is all interconnected, Alice. Very generous to mention "co-author" status, but I don't think my one suggestion that wasn't used qualifies me for that. LOL!
And I love your response to Debbie using all the senses! Isn't there a contest for who can write the purplest prose? This example could be a contender!
Maybe we can nag Eli into leading a presentation at one of our meetings where we bring examples of our own work and go through them for places where we can add this depth or make the descriptions more vivid (as Paty suggested). Kind of a mini-Margie Lawson deep editing kind of session. (When Eli doesn't have back to back to back releases and all the other "stuff" that goes with that. :)
"The smell of pine fresh in his nostrils, the mountains crystal white in the distance, he stepped on the crunchy snow as his hand slid down the smooth leather saddle and the horse whinnied, startling him so much he spit out a tangy piece of wintergreen gum."
Did you steal this from one of the GHs I judged?
Aw, Alice. You're so sweet. I'm so glad I was able to help, and even more flattered that my suggestion sparked ideas. :) Every once in a while this squirrel finds a nut. LOL
And Genene, LOL. I spend a lot of time fussing with tags and descriptions and that balance between showing and telling. Like Alice, I think all of one or the other is too much, but a good balance is key. I'd be happy to talk to the group about my editing process, but I don't know if it would help anyone or not.
Kendra -- LOL. Sounds as if you had quite a crop this year! Good to see you here.
Eli -- I don't k now sweet I am but I was sure grateful.
Hey, Eli! I usually don't get much from examples, but this one just connected. As Alice said, maybe we're more receptive sometimes.
I'm kind of an editing junkie and am always looking for new suggestions to add to my list of what to watch for. This was good one! Thank you!
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