Current Project: NMMNG
Status: STALLED!
I've been having a hard few weeks here, which seems to be going around lately as many of us seem to be in a similar situation. It's been particularly frustrating where my writing is concerned--I missed a contest deadline that I really should have entered. I'm not writing new words. I'm not even reading new books to dissect. And, I'm falling behind on my responsibilities to the Chapter and feeling guilty for that. It's a perfect recipe for a big batch of "Why do I continue to do this . . ." I made this same stew over and over again while I was pregnant with Tavy--I just don't seem to do pregnancy either gracefully or productively, and I feel tremendously guilty in the face of all sorts of writers who turn out books while gestating. So I shouldn't be surprised to be in this place, but I'm still frustrated. Then, this weekend I had to do the renewal of my national RWA membership, which I put off to the very last day.
However, in the past, when I've been in a non-productive phase, I've really questioned whether to keep my membership and really struggled with sending that large chunk of cash into what seems like a giant wishing well. But this year, even though I procrastinated, I didn't hesitate to whip out the plastic and pay up. Then, yesterday, the universe rewarded my diligence with the latest RWR issue, and I had a minor epiphany--I no longer doubt my talent. It feels weird to say that out loud, but after a year spent entering contest after contest, I'm way more confident now that I *can* do this. And it makes all this other life stuff feel more temporary than it did when I was pregnant with Tavy or in other writer's block modes. I'll get there. Eventually.
I've been an RWA member since 2005 which means that I've been at this game for five years now. I still have a little card from 2005 nationals where I wrote goals that included making PAN in two years and other gems. I'm a little depressed that in five years, I only have 3 completed manuscripts to my name. But, then I think of everything else that has happened in the last five years, and that total doesn't seem quite so paltry.
And when I think about everything else that I've gotten from RWA and from our chapter, it does seem worth every penny of that fee. What about you? Do you have the "is it worth it" moments? Any tips on getting beyond it?
8 comments:
Wavy, Every writer out there has gone through what you're going through. I waited until my two oldest were out of school and the other two in high school before I started really pursuing writing to get published.
I joined RWA in 1998- I published in 2006. With contest finals and wins in the mix those 8 years. Those contests and this chapter are what kept me writing.
The RWA Librarian of the Year and fellow TWRP author and member of the Hearts Through History online RWA chapter, Deborah Schneider, had a blog up this week you should go read. http://musetracks.wordpress.com/
It is very inspirational for any writer.
Thanks for the link, Paty! And thanks for the kind words.
No one who reads anything you write would ever doubt your talent. I'm so glad you finally joined the Wavy Band Wagon on your own behalf.
And Paty is right, we all have those moments (or years) when it seems kind of hopeless. In the face of such odds, how can any one person be chosen? Except in the face of all those odds, people are chosen every day and talented people will find their time in the sun.
Not measuring yourself against other people is a huge step toward inner peace. So other people make gestation look easy. I bet you made getting excellent grades look easy. Still others make good hair days look easy. We all take on too much at times and whine and struggle through it and if it really gets to be too much, reach out to friends for support and help.
I know you are going to succeed. There isn't a doubt in my mind!
We're all too hard on ourselves. It's okay to take a while, not push so hard that we fall flat on our face. Goals are good, but we need to take our human weakness into account and cut ourselves some slack! I'm a perfectionist, and very hard on myself. I'm always berating myself about not having a manuscript finished. I'm barely 18, for crap's sake! I have sooo much time and so much to learn. We all do. That's the beauty of it. We don't need to be critical or worried about having accomplished "nothing" over the years. You never stop learning or gaining experience. And soon, all that stuff is going to benefit you!
So I think I need to set a goal for myself to be less picky and to let myself work. No holding back. No rules allowed. Only imagination. Just write. There's all the time in the world. :)
(((HUGS))) to you, Wavy!
After fourteen years, I had decided to quit trying to get published because my bank account needed an influx of cash and it wasn't coming from writing. Then Chris Young urged me to submit to Awe-Struck E-Books. They published three books, and my first novella for Rogue Phoenix Press is coming out the 14th of this month.
I now plan for down times. When I know promotion will be intense, I don't plan to get much writing done. When family crises arise, I'll catch up on everything else later. In fact, one of my goals/ resolutions is not to over-schedule my time. I don't have to prove that I'm Superwoman any more--or maybe that "S" stands for something else. :)
I don't remember the exact quote, but I like this thought: Do the best you can and it will be enough. If your intent is good, the Universe has resources beyond our imagining to bring our dreams to fruition.
Granted, they might not be exactly what we thought we wanted and perhaps not within the timeframe we hoped, but it could also be something better!
Thank you Genene, and Katy, and Alice. You all rock!
I just wanted come back and say how cathartic this post was for me. I wrote almost 3 pages before bed last night, and this morning I feel a weight lifted. Thank you.
Chiming in late...
Wavy, I totally get where you're coming from in your post. I, too, thought I'd have a lot more done this past month than I've accomplished and I started to question myself again, like you're talking about.
I've asked myself several times in the past few weeks, "Why are you a member of RWA and your local chapter if you're always spinning your wheels?" I've been a total blank for at least 3 weeks.
But, after reading my RWR from cover to cover, yesterday, I know what the hell my problem is. I'm a perfectionist. And that sucks. I needed that kick in the butt article that pointed out EXACTLY what my problem is. And I'm totally owning up to it. *I'd tell you the title and page of the article but I'm not at home to look it up.* ;)
After reading the RWR, I opened up my novels file and started reading my 'Contagion' WIP. And you know what? It's freakin' awesome! *not bragging* I was so shocked that I'd written those pages. I hadn't read it in months and going back through it again made me realize a lot of things that I won't go into here. I'm excited to get back to it; although, I'm going to definitely keep that article in front of me so when I start to pick my writing apart I'll smack myself. Hard! I'm going to push through it and muck it all up so I'll have something to go back through and edit.
I loved your post. I understand completely. Especially about the pregnancy stuff. UGH! I'm so thankful to have you and all of the other gals in this chapter, and Katie Bug, to go through this with. You're all amazing in so many ways and so inspirational.
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