Mid-Willamette Fiction Writers

Happy Fourth of July, everyone. Do you have plans for today? A backyard barbecue followed by fireworks, perhaps? Time with family and friends? Are you hosting a get together?

We moved into our current house on July fourth 1993. Two friends helped us with the move, and that evening, we sat on our new deck and watched the city's fireworks exploding over the nearby park. In subsequent years, we attended the festivities down in the park, mingling with the crowd, sitting on the grass, stuffing dollars into boots passed along by volunteer firemen to help finance the display. Pretty soon, our children started coming down here for the event bringing their children and if there is anything more satisfying than holding a three year old you love while they gasp in amazement at the sparkling sky, I'm not sure what it is.

This year we'll watch from our deck again. No barbecue, no nighttime stroll up and down our hill, no crowds. The family isn't coming because we didn't invite them and we didn't invite them because it means two or three days of guests and that means two or three days of lost writing and I don't have that kind of time. I am under an intense deadline, the intensity of which just gets worse as the days pass and all my ideas seem to fizzle and all my research leads me no where. I feel rotten about this -- and in fairness, there are other issues at play, too -- but it adds another layer of stress knowing I am allowing the holiday to go by uncelebrated because of work. Because I agreed to a project complete with a ticking clock. Becuse I broke a promise to myself not to get myself in this position again.

Seems I forgot how to say no.

The worst part is this: knowing I put off family to be able to write, I now darn well better get a lot done. I better stop vacillating and chose a backstory, I better find a way to make this story and these people my own. My editor gave me until July 29th to produce three chapters and a synopsis. She'll be going to nationals and she said, "If you can, email it before I leave and I'll read it on the plane or bring it with you and give it to me there." I almost fainted when she told me that. Is it possible she doesn't know the cardinal rule about never handing an editor printed material at a conference? I wonder if she would mind if I chased her into the bathroom and handed it to her under the door...

Every job has deadlines that must be met. A waitress needs to get everyone in the restaurant served, an assembly line worker needs to get every product put together, a farmer needs to harvest every apple. I remind myself often that this is what I choose to do and if occasionally it drives me nuts, that's the way it goes.

The dh just reminded me that we just saw all or family and had a backyard barbecue and laughed and drank wine and for him, that was enough, I shouldn't worry. He's a good person and a kind one. What about you? Are you even looking at a blog on the fourth of July or are you off having a good time? Are you pinned to your desk because of an external deadline or perhaps an internal one like Paty's determination to finish her book by the end of this month? Do you feel guilty when you write or do you feel guilty when you don't write? Or are you a guilt free, sparkler waving, well adjusted American just taking it as it comes, where's the mustard?

Whatever, take a moment today to think about all the men and women serving far away from home, a moment to wish them a speedy and safe return. And happy Fourth of July.