Imagine with me a character who wakes in the morning, stretches, thumps her feet onto the floor and smiles in delight. The long awaited day to enjoy her passion...writing, has arrived.
One arm jabs into the sleeve of her blouse and the phone rings. Mentally, she gazes at her laptop and offers the caller a ride to their car repair shop before closing. Phone still warm from her touch, it rings again. Her mom’s having a bad day. No time to glance or stroke her laptop, she heaves a sigh, shifts into overdrive and dashes out the door.
Hours later, including two trips to the bank with Mom, (check left on the kitchen counter the first trip), and grocery shopping added to the mix, she waves goodbye to Mom, delivers her crocheted chemo caps to the hospital, fulfills the promised ride to the mechanic shop and races home. The hunger to write still pulses down to her fingertips.
The phone greets her with it’s irritating ring. In between several rounds of phone calls, a delivery from UPS, piercing serenades from the three dogs next door headlong in a barkfest, she bakes and delivers cookies to a neighbor struck with cancer.
Daylight has vanished. Her creative writing energies doused in fatigue refuse to re- ignite. A glimpse at her laptop proves unnecessary. Instead, she starts the hospice manual she requested from her mom’s doctor. Not a good read.
Exhausted, she collapses into bed only to find her brain has pushed replay on the days events and highlights the absence of writing anything more pithy than her name, and a single chocolate infused moments.
Unexpected events ride in the sidecar of our life’s journey. Loss of a job, surgery and funerals, to name of few, slip into the seat as easily as the rewards of retirement, birth of a baby or a dream vacation. These interferences, good and bad, impact our lives. Don’t trust those plush cushions designed to suggest comfort; some rides shift from varied degrees of wild, to bumpy and the unforeseen.
As writers we’d rather thrust our characters into many of these situations, than experience them ourselves. The ability to place our characters in the driver’s seat, toss them a map void of unmarked byways and fling obstacles into their sidecar, forces them to steer their life through mounting adversities and adventures. Along their journey they seek or redefine their strengths and abilities, and this navigational pulse can unfold wings of hope and exhilaration in our own lives too.
It can also awaken guilt and selfishness. Those pesky travel mates that flop into the seat next to me and refashion simple pleasures, like the unexpected visit from a friend, into a thief robbing my writing time.
What’s filling your sidecar right now? If it’s sitting empty please share your latest writing accomplishments.
19 comments:
"It can also awaken guilt and selfishness. Those pesky travel mates that flop into the seat next to me and refashion simple pleasures, like the unexpected visit from a friend, into a thief robbing my writing time."
Story of my life. My sidecar is often filled with guilt.
I've been giving this a lot of thought lately, Lori, as I turn away family for the next two months in order to meet a non-negotiable deadline and have come up with the following points:
1. There are things that cannot be turned away. Your mother's needs fall into this category. My husband's recent surgery, ditto. The needs of young children and babies. An elderly parent. Time has to be allotted for emergencies.
2. As long as writing is a hobby, as long as it's something you do akin to tending flowers to make the house look pretty as opposed to tending vegetables to put on the table, you are going to feel selfish for claiming time for yourself. Shifting how YOU THINK of your writing makes a difference.
3. This has less to do with earning money with your writing than recognizing your need to write as who you are and by denying that need you are denying your very essence. If writing is a gift, isn't squandering it a shame?
4. Because writing is solitary it is invisible to other people. It's not invisible to you. If you do not respect the time you need, other people will not respect it. For instance, would your friend have asked for a ride if you were a teacher at work unless it was during your lunch break or maybe after work? Would you have felt guilty (not bad, not regretful, but guilty) for saying you couldn't help her if you'd been on someone else's payroll?
Install caller ID. When you're working and the phone rings, look at the handset. If it's your mother, etc... answer the phone. If it's not, don't answer. I go back to being a teacher. If you are in the middle of a lecture, you are not going to be taking calls. Warning: THIS IS HARD. I've tried to train the people who call me frequently to ask "Is this a good time?" during writing hours. If they forget to ask, I say, "Is this important? I'm working, can I call you back?" People respect your time if you respect it.
6. Writing is working. It doesn't matter if it's joyous or like pulling teeth, it's still work that requires concentration. That's not selfish, that's the nature of the beast.
You can't paint a high wall without a ladder. You can't write without time. You actually DESERVE that time. Writing replenishes your soul. It's your way of dealing with the stresses of life and of honoring who you are. I hope you find a way to allow yourself the time you need.
Can you tell I've had some time to think about this? Can you tell this is a pep talk for me, too? LOL, I already feel little less selfish for closeting myself away!
Btw, I have never read a sustained piece of your fiction but I have now had the pleasure of reading many of your essays -- that's what your blogs always seem like to me and they always strike me as inspirational with gentle humor and insight. I know there's a market out there and just as importantly, I know there's an audience who would love to read what you have to say.
Alice, You brought up some excellent points and your insights have me racing to an imaginary booth to collect the all important ticket, stamped, 'guilt removed'. I just wonder how many times I can return to the booth before people get suspicious and say, "Hey, haven't I seen you here before?"
I'd hang my head and mutter, "I'm suffering from release and catch disease. I let guilt go, breath a sigh of relief, then discover I've got a death grip on it again."
I'm going to apply your wisdom and kick guilt to the curb.
This was truly beautiful, Lori. A stellar piece of writing that's worthy of being in RWR--I think more writers need this message.
My sidecar isn't exactly overflowing, but it's wiggling in the way that only a nearly-10 month old, nearly-walking bundle of energy can make it. It's been a rough week or so in Mommy land, and while the urge to write is so there, I just haven't been able to make it happen as my brain is dead right now. And I know my sidecar will only get more crowded when school starts up again.
I've worked really hard to live in the moment, so that's what I'm trying to do. Just be here now.
Fun well written blog!
Alice, I do have the fun of reading Lori's longer works and they are just as pleasurable. And Wavy is right, LOri, this would be a great piece for the RWR.
You know where I'm at right now. Getting ready to head to Nationals and waiting for edits from my editor to see what the heck she was talking about when we IM'd.
Sorry I'm late getting here. I was judging 4-H clothing at the Jefferson county fair. I love doing that. Talking with the kids, giving them advice and praise.
Also Alice, I agree with your list and I've been having similar thoughts! The Baker City daughter called today and said I booked you to watch the kids on Sept. 10th and 11th so I can help at the hospital.
I'm teaching a week long online class that week and they don't have internet!! I'll have to go to the library every night. Yeesh!
Wavy, Oh my! I am humbled by your kind compliment. I need chocolate, a big fan, something to cool down the wave of excitement gushing through me. No, it's not a hot flash. A burst of encouragement and praise far surpasses any ol' hot flash.
Ahhh, living in the moment. I love that wondrous vacation spot. Book me a room next to you.
Enjoy each precious moment with Tavy. Jot down all those firsts in her baby book.
I wrote a letter to my son in Sweden and shared those sentiments and told him I wished I knew a way to foretell and mark his lasts.
The last bouquet of dandelions he picked for me. The last time he told me he wanted to marry me when he grew up. The last bedtime story we shared together. Our last bike ride to the park. His last violin program. The last time he needed me to drive him to high school. Our last heart to heart talk after a difficult day at school. The last burger and fries we enjoyed together, laughing and sharing funny stories. The last time he baked a German pancake before he left for college.
You're a great Mom. Enjoy those treasure filled moments and embroider them into the soft folds of your heart.
Paty, Thanks for your kind words. You're a great inspiration and encouragement to me. You're always willing to help and explain, sometimes over and over again, each writing question I babble drenched in quaking fear.
I'm waiting to hear about your editors edits too. I'll have Wavy book another room and you can join us at the "Live In The Moment Hotel'. Chocolates don't just rest on the pillows they're dressing every gorgeous surface. You only need to lift a finger and pop one in your mouth.
Lori, Please book me a room next to you and Wavy and Paty. I would like an ocean view. Thank you.
I know what you mean about lasts. The concept has always fascinated me. Sometimes I can think back and figure out a last but most of the time it's difficult because things don't tend to end abruptly, they just kind of dwindle.
An eloquent blog, Lori! I vote with Alice that your writing would bring pleasure to readers and hope you find a home for it.
It's also nice to follow Alice's comments. I can just say, "what Alice said!" Makes it easy for me.
In addition to the needs and requests of others in the sidecar, my alter egos frequently jump in and try to hijack my good intentions. The other me that delights in new journeys and the temptations of side trips down uncharted roads.
I love this creative brainstorming, but end up with dozens of unfinished projects and frustration. That's what pushed me to becoming more focused on specific projects and to scheduling them on my calendar. So when characters from that nine-book series started traipsing through my brain, I could jot down notes, but tell them that they would have to come back in two weeks for their appointment. Then I would give them all the attention my current project was receiving. And when their time was up, I moved on to the next scheduled project. Yes, I build in some flexible time in my scheduling because I know things do come up.
And, as others have said, sometimes those "intrusions" are a priority. You deal with them. However, if I find myself resenting those intrusions, I know it's time to take a good look at them and see if they really fit with my priorities. You could also say, "I'd love to take you to the repair shop, but I'm in the middle of a project. How about sometime next week and we could have breakfast while we wait." That's a redirect rather than a direct "no." You may have to get to that direct "no" but this could be a first step since guilt seems all too willing to jump into that sidecar.
Hugs and chocolates to you!
Alice, I made a hasty call. They only had one vacancy and I quickly yammered, "I'll take it," then gave them your name." Go figure, you do something nice for someone and then discover it's the deluxe suite, complete with ocean view, a chocolate fountain, and Raul the chocolatier.
Oops, forgot to mention you'll need to check in under the name Lori. I'm using Alice.
"Raul the chocolatier?"
LOL.
Genene, thank you for the kind words.
Oh, yes, alter egos. Mine loves to flop into my sidecar and irritate me. She's also famous for hijacking my good intentions.
Why is 'no' such a hard word to say at time, especially to family and friends?
Lori, Thanks for the chocolates and the room at the "Live in the Moment Hotel"!
Lori!!!
You made me cry! Totally sobbing! I had to call my mom and say, "So many LASTS are behind us now . . ." And of couse, she had no idea what I meant. So I had to read her your beautiful blog, and then we BOTH had a good cry.
Many thanks. I can't wait to read your finished WIP. You have a beautiful voice.
Wavy, Thank you. I'm glad I touched your heart, but now you have me crying again too! When I wrote that letter to my son I sniffled and cried all the way through it.
How sweet to learn you shared my blog with your mom. The Mother, daughter bonding moment created another touching memory you can both tuck into your hearts.
Wonderful blog, Lori. Sorry I didn't comment yesterday, I was nursing a never-ending migraine.
What's filling my sidecar? Kids. Kids. And more kids. It's so easy for me to get distracted during the day, which is why I've had to sacrifice things like TV and hanging with the DH while watching TV to get my work done.
Lori, I would have posted yesterday, but the thing that's filling my sidecar wouldn't let me. That thing is "work." Aargh! The design job, not the writing job. Sigh.
I'm late popping in, as usual. My sidecar is filled with children. Baby, toddler and bull riding teen who is in the thick of her first -- possibly only and last -- serious relationship. But, like Wavy, I am trying to savor each unique moment. Like today, when the baby discovered his feet. That adorable stage when an infant sits, propped up, nearly rolling himself in a ball trying to get toes to tongue.
On the far other end of the spectrum, the oldest rode a bull for the full eight second ride a week ago. A major acomplishment in her world. It took her a year to do it. And I was there. Scared yet cheering, and snapping fast-action photos the whole time.
Living in the moment. Amen.
Beautiful post, Lori.
Danita, Thank you for the kind compliment. Yes, your side car is bulging with kids...heads, finger and toes popping out everywhere.
You are a great Mom and how you could not only watch your daughter ride a live bull and take pictures at rapid speed is medal worthy.
Give your daughter a big 'hoop' from me for staying on that bull the full 8 seconds. Sounds like that ranks right up there with childbirth.
I love your living in the moment. Amen.
Hallelujah sister!
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