Current Project: Revising my Daphne entry
Status: Uh...need to start ASAP-due Thurs
Status: Uh...need to start ASAP-due Thurs
Everyone in this business suffers slumps. I wish there was magic that would occur once a contract was signed where all motivation would be consistent. I wish we'd always have fantastic ideas and sparkling prose and heart tugging characters that automatically pop in our heads. There should only be ups. No more downs.
I've been in a slump for a while. It's been like pulling teeth (can there be a more lame analogy?) to get the words on the page. I schedule my writing time and force myself to open that blasted document and pound out my lines. Then I delete and delete. Actually I move the sections I hate into a garbage document, because I can't bear to erase the blood I poured on my keyboard from the vein in my arm.
Lately I've considered throwing in the towel (another bad analogy) for good. I've questioned my motives, I've questioned my talent or lack of, and I've question the future of the publishing business. Once a year I want to give it up for good. The idea starts as a tiny bug in my brain and eats away at my motivation until I can't type a word. The future turns bleak and my creativity vanishes.
Then something happens to kick everything back into high gear. One year it was a NYT top ten author's note offering to place my MS on her agent's desk after reading my contest entry. Other times it was a request for a full from a dream agent. This year it was my Daphne final. I can't stress the timeliness of that good news.
What's sent you spiraling into that writer's black hole? And what yanked you out?
10 comments:
Kendra -- I love this blog.
Yes, I have seen the abyss, too, and like you, every year or so I want to put it all behind me, I want to read a book without thinking about writing one, I want to quit.
Sometimes I can't even remember why I want to write. I even felt that way a week ago as I was spinning a plot line out of very thin air and it all seemed so hopeless to me. I asked myself if I even wanted to write the book I was doing my best to create because creating the suggestion of an idea and actually writing the idea on to paper and developing it into a story are two very different things.
And then something happened and I can't even tell you what. I think it was when I decided the hero and heroine would uncover a company fronting a string of terrorists camps and the mass assassination plot they would have to stop ... I don't know for sure, just all of a sudden I saw flashes of a scene and I knew I could make it work if given the opportunity. The point is, something shifted and dread became enthusiasm and it happened in a heartbeat without my having much of a say.
I am so glad you got an external push to continue what you're doing. The accolades you've won from those in the know should be proof positive that you're doing something right.
Maybe some people seem to you have more drive or passion -- you mentioned you questioned your motives -- but you can't judge yourself by those standards. If motivation and drive was a marketable commodity, there would be bottles of it for sale in every store and most of us would, on occasion, buy ourselves a dose and drink it down. Every single writer who has succeeded that I know with the possible exception of one has doubts about what she or he is doing. It comes with the territory,
Good luck meeting your deadline. I know you will.
Isn't that just an amazing phenomena, Kendra? It's like some cosmic force realizing, "Hey, she's serious about quitting," and then giving you something to keep you going. I have a feeling ALL authors have been there. Larissa Ione talked about it - in the aftermath of Katrina, with her house and everything destroyed, she was ready to quit for good, when she got the news she'd sold a novella to Secrets. She recently hit the NYT list, only a few years after that "almost quit" moment. Imagine if she'd given up?
I've been there too. Just before my first book sold, I was pretty convinced it wasn't ever going to happen. Even now I have "why the heck am I doing this" moments, and then something happens and I realize, I'm doing it because I can't NOT do it. I love it. And regardless of the ups and downs (or black holes) I keep coming back to it.
Very excited for your Daphne final!!! And Alice was right when she said, "The accolades you've won from those in the know should be proof positive that you're doing something right." Listen to the woman. She knows a thing or two about this industry.
Kendra, it's so great about your Daphne final, especially when there's a chance you could win!
Yes, I too have been dumped in the pit of writer despair. The lift up will often come from an outside source like praise from crit pals, or positive remarks from an industry pro, and then when I got my agent I was lifted me so high my feet are still dangling from the cloud I'm floating on.
I've also discovered a way to feel better about my writing is to start a new project. Hope is renewed, and excitement over a fresh creative goal is ignited.
Congrats again on the contest final and good luck!
Kendra -- Congratulations on the Daphne final!! That's so exciting!
Boy, do I identify with your topic. I've also struggled in the last several months. I, too, came close to quitting. In the end, I realized that I was letting too many things mess with my head (similar to the ones you listed in your post). Those things can feel like a tremendous pressure and after awhile you begin to wonder why you're beating yourself up. What's the point?
I had to go back to the beginning and remind myself that I started this journey because I love storytelling. I love creating characters and finding out how they'll handle the challenges I throw at them. I don't know yet if I'm any good at it, but then, I figure I'm better today than I was a few years ago. Who knows how much I'll improve if I keep at it for a few more years? As my mother would say, those years are going to pass whether I continue to write or not, so, why not write? What do I have to lose?
Something that's been a great help in keeping me motivated is the genuine encouragement that I've received from everyone in the MWV Chapter. Whether on the blog, the mailing list or the boost I get from attending the monthly meeting, the Chapter has made a big difference for me.
Good luck in the Daphne!!
One of the things I love about this group is knowing I'm not alone. Everyone suffers. LOL. Thanks for sharing your tales of ups and downs, I needed to hear them today. I'm feeling overwhelmed with the postvacation mess I came home to.
I love Debbie's mother's point. The years are going to pass whether I'm writing or not. Might as well write.
CONGRATS ON DAPHENE!
I am the queen of slumps. I have no idea why (despite many hours of therapy on this issue) other than to say that I think it might be genetic.
My latest slump also ended with a contest final. It was like the universe asked me, "Are you going to put up, shut up, or WHAT?" And conversely, sometimes, NOT getting what you want also can end a slump. Not finaling in the first contest I entered gave me the push to find RWA. Not finaling in the GH gave me the push to find a new plan b/c the last one stopped working several years ago.
I think I've discovered through this that I'm very externally motivated. I need feedback from others to keep going--even when that feedback is negative. I'm trying to structure my writing right now to give me more of that push.
Great topic.
Good blog topic, Kendra!
Just before I got a contract for my first manuscript, I had decided to focus on other things that were actually putting kibble in my doggies' bowls since I wasn't seeing any money from writing.
Then Chris Young urged me to submit to Awe-Struck E-Books. They contracted for three manuscripts that were released within a ten-month period. That pulled me out of the abyss. :)
Since then, I've learned to accept that sometimes writing will be the focus in my life, and other times something else will fill that priority spot. Last year was releases and promotion. This year is maintenance promotion so readers don't completely forget me, but my focus is on getting my doggies and me settled on some property. Then in 2010 and 2011, I want to spent a really big chunk of time writing my nine-book series.
Congratulations again on finaling in the Daphne! What a very nice motivation!
Hi, I'm Paty Jager and I tried to quit writing cold turkey...
Before Wild Rose Press came along even though I would get rejections saying they liked/enjoyed my story, but alas it wasn't right for them to publish, I would stop writing and get so darn cantankerous my husband would tell me to get back in there and write. I may not be with a Big time publisher but I have people who want my books and at the moment, though I dream of one day having the backing of a large publisher, I'm content to making people happy, a few books at a time, and to keep writing the stories I want to write.
Kendra and along the way I'd finaled in 8 contests. That was what kept me going, knowing there were people out there that did like my writing. Congrats on the Daphne- And keep writing- if this doesdn't show you enough merit to your writing, I don't know what else could!!
Congrats Kendra on your Daphene final--that has to feel incredible!
What Elisabeth said about some cosmic force stepping in, right before you hit the breaking point is very true. I've personally experienced this in many different ways, be it when I needed money or was simply at my wits end with just about everything...lol.
There are so many external pressures forced upon us (kids, money, family, work) all the time that it's really easy to lose sight of the things that make us happy or remember why we found something enjoyable to begin with. Even more so when it's something that requires a great amount of discipline and effort and carries no immediate benefit. Every successful author that I've spoken with has had similar experiences to what you describe and in the end it was their joy of writing that kept them at it.
Just writing a complete MS is an incredible feat and then, to final in a competition--bonus! You’ve accomplished much more than the average person already.
In the end for me it's my own personal drive and belief that ultimately I’ll succeed that continues to push me to write. However, surrounding my self with great friends and successful authors (like you have) has had the greatest influence on me and my continuance with writing.
Congrats again!
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