I lectured on showing versus telling to my students tonight, and seeing as how my brain is stuck on "teacher" right now, I thought I'd revisit the topic here again. To my mind, showing versus telling is the hard, red line separating stellar writing from merely good. Sometimes we get so married to a particular paragraph or turn of phrase that it's hard to make the necessary revisions. Or we settle for "good enough for government work" because GAAA! it's hard to be so active all the darn time. Sometimes a girl just wants to lay on her proverbial editing couch and eat very real bon-bons.
This is where short writing exercises shine. I see it again and again with my students--they can make individual sentences sing, and then, slowly over time, the creative forces make their way into their "real" writing. Let's get those brains limber and shake off the cobwebs as we shimmy our way through a little tune-up.
(Please note that this is clearly a do as I say and not as I do blog because there's not an ounce of showing going on here, and I think I've managed to single handedly set the record for most cliches in two paragraphs. Reminder to self: do post on cliches next.)
Choose your poison:
- My book is on the NYT list.
- Her contract came in the mail, but she was disappointed.
- I wrote 10,000 words last week.
- She is a great author.
- She is my inspiration.
11 comments:
Wavy, what fun! An exercise. I almost did an exercise on Monday because we haven't had one in a while.
My Poison; She is my inspiration.
Her dedication to detail, work ethic, and willingness to help others inspires me.
Paty, your example reminds me of a conversation I had with a student last night.
Him: Isn't it enough to just add details to a sentence?
Me: Better, but now you're just telling me specifics. Close but no chocolates.
Him: Slave driver!
And I am. I totally am. But, what if we took your example one step further:
"She reviews each report twice before it goes out the door, and she's always in by 7:30 a.m. to-do list in hand. However, she still finds time to volunteer at a literacy center and mentor teens."
Now, this SHOWS us that she's dedicated to detail, has a good work ethic, and is willing to help others and SHOWS us that she's an inspiration without us ever needing to say so.
(And I know that you really DON'T need this refresher--your books show you to be a master of showing v. telling. Or rather, in the spirit of the exercise, "Paty's books are filled with vivid imagery and realistic dialogue that makes her characters leap off the pages.")
LOL- Thank you for the praise, Wavy, but actually my last book- My editor kept saying "telling", "telling" "show me" "show me" Until I was so frustrated I wanted to spit!
I have yet to grasp the show part in so many ways. And as I wrote this, I was saying you should go deeper, but heck, I need to get my 4000 words today so this will do. Thank you for calling me on this and making me look deeper. Can you sit on my shoulder while I write?
Neat blog, Wavy. I've noticed in my own writing how I'll settle for something until it's time to take it out of context and quote it, and then its flaws jump off the page (it's cliche day on our blog!!!!) and I furiously rewrite it. Me thinks your students are lucky to have you.
I'm going to try the contract one:
She read the words carefully, sure there was some kind of mistake yet knowing there wasn't. The bitter taste of bile pushed it's way up her throat and her fingers trembled as she put pen to paper. She'd have to sign the damn thing anyway, it was too late. One didn't renege on an agreement when signing a contract with the devil.
That was fun. Thanks.
And Paty, I think most of us struggle with the show don't tell thing at times, especially if we're pushing a deadline or have a lot more story to tell than pages in which to tell it. I've read your books and haven't noticed a big problem, so I bet your last book was just one of those where everything was tricky.
I struggle with showing and telling, too, and sometimes err on the other side. I show when it would be better to tell. I have a habit of over-explaining things. Ugh.
Ooh, I'm going for the gusto: "My book is on the NYT list."
Heart beating in my throat, I scanned the New York Times best seller list. Wait a minute. It must be a typo. No, they spelled my name right. Oh, my God! I made it! There I am, way up there at number five. Next stop, number one.
*snicker* That was fun. Kind of pushes the believability meter, but what the heck. Thanks, Wavy, for feeding my fantasy. 8^)
Great topic! Show vs. Tell -- the ultimate smackdown!
ahem. Honestly, I struggle with this constantly and, I'm sorry to say, not as successfully as I would like. I'll take a stab at the exercise (gulp!). My poison: My book is on the NYT list. A fantasy (no, not the genre) in one (short) act. :-)
brrring-brrring
brrring-brrring
I'd normally ignore the call, but I made the mistake of glancing at the display. My agent! What was she doing calling me on my cell phone? She knew how much I hate the darn thing.
"Hello?"
"Debbie!" Her overly cheerful greeting failed to quell the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
"Stacy?"
"You're never going to guess what's happened!"
"What's that?" My book isn't selling? At least I didn't blurt that out loud.
"You made the New York Times list!" Now I could hear the excitement in her voice, even over the rushing of blood to my head.
"You're kidding! You're not kidding? I think I need to sit down." Stacy burbled on and on about promotions and contracts for more books and how excited everyone was at the agency. My book. A bona fide bestseller. And all I could think was I didn't even know where I could buy a copy of the New York Times.
Excellent job everyone.
Deb, I really like how you incorporated dialogue.
Alice, you always make me smile!
Karen, I loved your wish fulfillment.
Whenever I get stumped on the showing v. telling thing, I always come back to "make them feel like they are there." That's what it boils down to--put them in the character's head, at that moment, and the whole "is this sentence too much telling" thing falls away.
Okay, I finally had a chance to read the blog again and I want to play. Hope it's not too late. I didn't follow the rules; (when do I ever?) however, I did choose something you had on the list, sort of. Well, not really, but it's what hit me, so I went with it.
The "poison" I chose... "Have at it!"
So, here's my take on it...
Flames lick in and around the dry, pitch filled logs as they burn inside the old stone fireplace. I stand, silhouetted in the light of the blaze; long shadows flicker along the ceiling and walls of the ancient hunting lodge. Heat slithers up the backs of my bare legs, yet goose bumps cover my body. A shiver runs through me, not from the wind whipping through the snow-laden trees outside the cabin, but from the man who stands motionless before me. His only movement, the tick of blood that flows through the vein in his neck. Neither of us speak, not even a whisper. His perfect face discloses nothing. He is beautiful to me. He frightens me.
I lock my jaw, lift my chin and swallow, hard. Thankful the light is behind me, hiding the heated flush in my cheeks. My heartbeat slams in my ears. Inside, my head spins from the thrill of his stare. I pull my shoulders back and stand erect. I will not sway. I will not tremble. Control. I inhale a long, slow breath. Silently, I exhale and slip the skinny straps of my Victoria’s Secret over my shoulders and shimmy the silken material down the length of my body to reveal secrets of my own. The sleek fabric pools at my feet.
My physical secrets now lay before him; but the ones in my heart are forever safe. Those I will never reveal.
His silver eyes bore into mine. Does he see beyond the flesh to my soul? Slowly, I slide my hands up along my waist, higher and higher. I run my fingers through my hair and release the pin that holds it in a knot. It flows down past my shoulders to the middle of my back. I continue to raise my hands above my head into the air and lean a naked hip to one side. With all the confidence I can summon, I look him in the eyes and say, “Have at it.”
I know, this was waaaayyy long. Now slay me with your comments on what I did wrong, besides not keep it short. I'm ready. I can take it. Really. No, I mean it. I have a full bag of M&M's at the ready for when I get the results back. LOL
Piper -- wow. Talk about vivid language. That was beautiful! And, btw, I didn't see any mention in Wavy's directions about length. It was perfect. I felt every one of "her" emotions! Way to go. Don't be such a stranger.
Aw, thanks Alice. You're a great pumper-upper! ;)
I guess I thought when Wavy said "short writing exercises" she meant like a paragraph or a few sentences, but then I re-read what she said after your lovely comment to me and yeah, yer right, I didn't break that rule. Whew! LOL
It was fun to read everyone's little exercise. I love to "hear" the individuality of everyone's voices. Very cool. Wish more would have participated so we could all enjoy their voices.
Post a Comment