There have been so many helpful posts on this blog site over the months. I've learned so much and gleaned such wonderful information from everyone; whether they offered advice through a blog post or left a valuable comment, it's all been bits and pieces of what I've needed.
One thing I've been pondering since Karen blogged on Jan 19th about "Minding My Business" is her question, "Where do you think you are right now in your career?" This really got me thinking. Where the heck am I in this writing career? Know what I found out? This...
My goal isn't to be published. Wham! It hit me just like that (Piper snaps her fingers) the other day. Right now, I just don't care about publication. Now don't gasp and fall over in a faint or anything. Truly, I don't want or need a "career" in anything. In fact, I didn't start writing with the intent to get published. Nope, I started writing to express my creative energy and because it's fun; but, somewhere along this path, I got derailed and skipped tracks; and I've realized something - I've not accomplished anything because I wasn't working toward a goal that I wanted for me, I was working on a goal I thought I was supposed to want for me.
How dumb was that?!!
What a waste of energy, worry and time. But no more! I'm going to be true to my inner self, the one that's reminding me that writing used to be fun and I used to look forward to it until it became a chore. A chore because I thought I had to have the same goals as all my best friends, the goal of publication. But that's just silly. So I smacked myself upside the head and knocked myself back onto the track of writing because, 1. It gives me pleasure, 2. I increase my knowledge, and 3. I accomplish what I want for me and not for someone else when I write just for myself. Before, when I was trying to make myself accomplish other people's goals that they set for themselves, I felt such utter disappointment and frustration, but then BLAMO, it all became clear. Write because you want to, not because you feel you HAVE TO! What a concept! (I know, I scare me too.)
The pressure is off now, and I love it. My goals are to write when the fancy strikes and not a word until it does. Write what's in my heart and head at the time whether it makes sense or not, is good or not, and finish it if I want, or NOT!
Right now, I would be an editor's/publisher's nightmare. Deadlines are not something I want to deal with at this time in my life. I have too many other things I want to do to be tied down to a deadline. I'd rather be free and broke than rich (or a little better off) and in a prison that I created for myself. And that's what I was doing, creating a prison for myself.
The plan I have is to live up to my expectations and mine only. Not what I'm assuming everyone thinks I should be living up to. Does this make sense? I pushed myself in the wrong direction for too long and now, I'm pulling back. It's been 100% my fault for not listening to my gut's reaction; but, I'm listening now! ;)
I've been listening to an audiobook called, "As A Man Thinketh" and it's been very empowering. Finally, I'm realizing that I'm the one holding me back from all that I want to do, and I'm pushing myself to do what I have no true heart for right now. So watch out self! There's a new girl in charge and she's ready to kick ass and choose her own destiny! (Ouch! Stop pulling my hair! You're not in charge anymore!)
Maybe someday I'll want the goal of being published, but for now, with my attitude and life the way it is, I just want to have fun and enjoy the ride of learning how to become a great writer and I want to continue to hang with my best girlfriends in the whole world and watch them achieve their own true-hearts goals.
May your muse be kept happy and chatty, may the words flow out your fingertips like Niagara Falls, may the publishing faeries whack you on the head with their "get published now" wands if that's your career goal!
Thanks for all the tremendous support you all give freely, and thanks for sharing your wisdom and experiences on this public forum. The women in this chapter are the best friends and writer pals a girl could ask for! And that's sayin' something! *BIG OL' HUG*
10 comments:
Shoot Piper, now I feel almost bad for so firmly encouraging you to write YA, and to finish a project. I guess I thought that's what you wanted to do.
But hey, life's too short not to follow your dreams, your whims, your own personal goals -- not those set upon you by someone else.
So have fun.
Play. Garden. Can.
Skip my child and be free!!
And be happy.
We love you, even if you never write another word. Although we hope you do because you're so charming and funny and it brightens our days to read what you have to say just the way you have to say it.
Writing is creative and if you aren't feeling creative- it don't happen. I have spurts when things flow wonderfully, then I have periods where I can't write a decent sentence to save my soul. At those times I research or edit or do something other than write. If I were to push it- it would become something I don't like.
You're right- you have to be happy at what you do or it isn't worth it.
So write when the mood moves you, don't force yourself to do something that doesn't feel right. When the time is right, you will be a polished writer and the world will embrace your babies with loving arms.
And we won't kick you out because you don't want to get published - Not everyone has the same goal or dream.
I also apologize for pushing you, we all thought you just wanted more motivation. I'm glad you have found what makes you happy. Because a happy Piper is a fun Piper!
Good for you, Piper, for knowing what you want. That's a tough battle we all fight on a regular basis. We think we want something, then it turns out we really want something else.
There's something extremely cathartic about writing and expressing yourself. I always feel more complete after a good, solid session of writing. That's the greatest reward, not the getting published part. And I'm certainly not in it for the money. Heh! I want others to read my work because I believe I have something important to say, but I don't need to be writing for the masses. A handfull now and then works for me right now, so I totally get where you're coming from.
Enjoy your freedom, Piper, and write because you love it, not because you feel forced to do it.
Karen
Count me among the chagrined. Many apologies for flogging you to get writing. It's easy to forget that we're all on different paths.
I feel like my path just took a bend--I'm still on the I-want-a-career-out-of-writing-fiction path, but I still get satisfaction out of the professor path. And I have no clue yet how this whole preg thing is going to play out career wise--I don't want to derail the plan, but I'm already having to deal with really really reduced output as I'm asleep so early each night and dealing with very wonky blood sugar to boot.
What writing means to me has changed substantially over time--at first it was something I did to earn praise, to make grades, to get scholarships. Then it was also a creative release. Then it shifted into it's present state which is also creative, but much more business/avocation oriented.
I find now that I do a lot less writing for the sake of writing. But I'm okay with that. I've got other creative outlets that I'm not trying to tie my future to--i.e. my knitting, and I get that pure sense of satisfication from that. But, for some people, writing is a hobby--a really amazing hobby, therapy, catheris, friend--etc. And I think it's important to remind ourselves of all the different things writing can be.
I'm not going to apologize (big surprise, eh? LOL). Encouraging someone in our writing chatper to write is not a bad thing, and no matter what we say, I don't think any of us can force anyone else to do something they don't want to do.
Why are you a part of our chapter, Piper? Because you love to write. Doesn't matter what the end result is - whether you finish something or send it off to an agent or publisher or hold it just for yourself. We're together as a group because we foster community, support each other and encourage each other to keep at something we all love. There's nothing to feel guilty about (Danita and Wavy), for doing what we all should do for each other all the time.
That said (off soapbox now), Piper, I didn't start out writing because I wanted to make a career out of it. After I quit my job to stay home I realized I needed to do something to keep my brain active otherwise I was going to go insane. I started writing because writing (and reading) is something I've always loved to do. I used to commute 30 min to work every morning, and I'd find myself going over scenes in my head, story threads that were always there though I didn't know that meant I was a writer at heart. It was only when I was home with the kids that I realized, "Hey, maybe I should write some of these things down." So I did. I did it for me. I didn't do it for anyone else or to get published. And like Karen, wow, I felt so good after writing, I just kept doing it.
Your goals will change - they always do no matter what goal you're talking about. So you don't want to be published right now? No big deal. That may stay the same, that may not. The fact you're aware of it is a good thing and may inspire you to write more than you have been. Who knows where it will take you?
Aw, thanks girls. And please, NO APOLOGIES! I've never felt anything but encouragement and love from all of you.
So I don't want to be published, so what. Why was that so fricken hard to admit? Because I'm very good at self-inflicted guilt, that's why. But I've opened up, spilled my guts to you, and you didn't flay me alive on a cold stone, leaving me to bleed to death alone. Thanks.
For now, I just want to write when I feel like it, for the right reasons. And to tell you the truth, I think it's going to be a lot easier to sit down at the keyboard and write drivel and not be afraid of it anymore. I've let myself be afraid of so much for so long that I've not progressed the way I've wanted.
Danita - I do want to write YA. Thanks to your, and everyone else's, encouragement I've been reading YA novels, checking out YA author's websites, making character charts, and I've been paying better attention to the teenagers in my life so I can get a good feel for YA and what's needed to write it.
I'm working on finishing a (little) project too, a children's book. I've had some awesome crit help from Alice and Eli and when I've polished it, I'll let the rest of you read it for more help. So see, encouraging me is great, don't stop. :)
Thanks! I will have fun playing, gardening and canning. I'm so excited to "skip and be free!" And I feel truly happy for the first time in a long time.
Paty, you're right. Creativity can't be forced and I've been trying to do that. What I'm going to do from now on is write what feels natural. The voice in my head is totally immature and I need to let that come out of me instead of trying to write like my favorite authors. I'm learning to be true to myself, and gaining the strength to be true to my voice too.
Thanks for not kicking me out because I'm a pain in the ass. LOL And I'm going to do what you said, write when the mood moves me, and not worry that I'm failing if I'm not writing on a WIP everyday. I do write everyday, lots of different things and this is what I want. I think I suck at trying to structure myself too much. I'm a true rebel, (to my detriment). LOL
Karen, your right about the battle we fight to know what we really want, and I do get great pleasure from writing. Sometimes. LOL
When I was trying to force myself to live up to my ridiculous expectations and goals I hated writing, but I'm having a lot of fun with this new freedom. I'm loving a lot of things right now! Thanks for the support!
Wavy, flogging is good for people like me, as long as it's done gently. You know, don't leave any scars. :)
It's funny how our goals and dreams change over the years depending on what's most important on our life list at the time.
Soon your sweet little bundle is going to be top priority and your goals are going to change dramatically. It can't be helped. But just don't beat yourself up for it. I've decided to put my family first again and I've not been this happy for years. ;)
You're a smart woman and you've accomplished so much in your life for someone so young. I admire that in you. Thanks for encouraging me with the YA stuff, too, I thinks it's where I'll end up when I'm ready. :) Take care of that "Wonky" blood sugar! That's my new favorite word now, WONKY! LOL
And then there's...
Eli - Of course you're not going to apologize. Especially when there's absolutely no reason to do so. :)
You're right on baby! Encouraging someone in our chapter to write is very important and needful. No one forced me to do anything or make decisions and goals that weren't right for me. I'm a professional at self-imposed pain-in-the-ass-ness all by myself. :)
I'm a part of this terrific chapter because I love being around people and encouraged by people who love the same things as I do. Your right, I love writing and all that comes with it. I love what I've learned over the years and how I've grown as a person. Without the women in this chapter and their friendships I'd be a lost soul.
You girls are the only people who "get it" and are okay with it. I have many great friends in my life who I love and they love me, but the connection I feel with this group of women is so much deeper than anything I've ever had. You girls are part of my heart and soul now, and it thumps happy beats because of all of you.
I'm not going anywhere, I'm just rearranging my goals and adjusting myself so I can be happy in my skin and stop feeling like I want to crawl out of it because I'm not doing what I need to be doing.
Okay, off to fix breakfast for dinner. Pancakes are good for the guts. :)
More big hugs all around!
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