As of the first of this new year I decided to start taking time for me. To sort of "set my house in order" and all that great crap.
Let me tell you, it's been a treat that's better than smooth dark chocolate.
I've eliminated several things from my life that kept me so wrapped up I thought for sure I'd blow up if I continued slaving over them.
So now I'm a free woman. Giving myself permission to say NO has been the biggest hurdle I've ever cleared. It's funny how people nag you and try to make you feel guilty for changing things in your life and having the gall to tell them no. I'd like to have smacked a few of them, but I didn't. Instead, I said it nicely and decided to never put the pressure on someone else to do what they really don't want to do. It shouldn't matter what it is you want to say no to, others should never try to guilt you into feeling bad for learning how to say no and sticking to it. And let me tell ya that little word has been so liberating!
I've been doing more free writing than ever before because I now have the time. I've been working on character sheets, a "dreaded" synopsis, and reading writing basics and helps for the last few weeks.
This is my year. I'm clearing my plate, my head and my heart all at the same time; and it only took a two letter word.
What do you need to say NO to so you can be free to write, read, study writing basics, and generally spend time doing things to improve yourself and your life, instead of cluttering it up with what everyone else thinks you should be doing? You don't even have to make a list here. Perhaps you'd like to make it at home and tape it to the wall by your desk instead. You don't have to share your list, but take a minute to ponder if there are some things you'd like to put on it, then you go for baby! More power to ya!
Do you have the courage to JUST SAY NO?!
13 comments:
I'm the Queen of saying no to housework. That's probably about to change. Darn. :)
For me the biggest thing that I need to say no to, and that I struggle with is the internet. Not this blog! But other time-suckers. I was doing SO good. Then I discovered the iVillage preg boards and got sucked back in to my old bad habits.
I also tend to say "yes" to DH alot--"watch a movie?" "go for a drive?" etc--it's hard for me to disapoint him and put my writing first. I've been working on it though. It's all about balance AND how I phrase the "no." :)
Thanks for this post! I needed a kick in the pants again:)
I need to say NO to the job I just left. I promised them I would help out this first year to make the person who took my job feel more confident at events.
Like the first cookie camp coming up. I told her I'd be there when she started to get things going and planned to leave at 11am. We'll see how that goes! And then they talked me into teaching a class at another event in February, and she just called yesterday and said we need a judge for fair. I tried to use the "I know all the kids too well" but that didn't work. I'm now judging when I had hopes of being footloose and fancy free.
So Piper, how about giving me some lessons on how to say NO!
LOL, Wavy! I say no to housework all the time and DH is pitching in, as he should. He's the official vacume guy, but he's been slacking since football season.
I didn't know anyone went on drives anymore! That's so cool! We usually do what we can to avoid driving. Like tonight I'll be picking Jim up from work at 5 to go to Paty's book signing at Wine Styles and then out to dinner. That's the most driving we'll be doing together for months!
Well, the only thing I have left to say NO to are projects that make me money so that we can pay the bills, and saying "no" won't be happening any time soon. If I could get my husband to make more money, then I could say no to paying work and I'd be set.
I've stopped all the volunteer work I used to do, which makes me sad, but it was necessary. I've said NO to The Assistance League of Bend and Mountain Star Family Relief Nursery, but Central Oregon's Battered and Rape Alliance is very tempting. I'll stick to my NO on that, too.
Thanks, Piper, for reminding us where our priorities need to be.
Karen
Step aside, ladies, the Queen of NO has entered the building.
Bow, bow scrape, scrape. Thanks. Truly. No problem saying no.
Oh--except to the dh when he wants to take a drive (yep, we take drives too). Go to the store. Take a walk. Plan a vacation. Visit. I have trouble saying no to him because he's fun.
Otherwise---oh, okay, thanks a lot for bringing up my daughter and her family and my son and his. They want to come and visit three days before my deadline? Meaning I have to get it all done two days early because someone has to find the carpet, we know it's down there somewhere? Okay, come on, I'll shop and cook and mutter and then see my babies and feel all squishy inside. So, there's that. But they're all--
Oops. Forgot about my 90 year old Mom. How can I allow days and days to go by when I am the only family she has nearby? Can't do that.
And then there's--
So, no to volunteer work. No to silly housework. No to meetings (except ours) No to the Internet (except this) and yes to my family.
Fun blog, Piper. Always a treat.
Alice
Good for you, Piper.
I'm good at saying no. Too many years of saying yes to everything when I was teaching taught me the value of the word 'no'. I think it's really important to take care of you first. When I put everything else around me first, the people around me suffer. I'm no fun to be around.
Glad to hear saying no is working out for you. And I can't wait to read the new book!
I've learned to say NO. But it didn't come easy. It took 17 years of staying married to an alcoholic, and nearly that many years spent burning myself out on community volunteer projects to learn to say it though.
Now I say it frequently. And don't (hardly ever) feel guilty about it either. If I hadn't learned to say it, I'd be the posse secretary, an officer in our chapter, in charge of the Master gardener's tour and a junior high basketball coach right now. I would have no time for writing, or my family and my baby sitting bill would be outrageous!
No is not a four-letter word.
Good for you for realizing it too, Piper.
Wavy--I used to be the queen of keeping my house clean, then I gave up when we moved into our garage. LOL It's not been worth it, but the last month and a half I've been cleaning and sorting and doing the Feng Shui thing to it and it's truly made my life easier. I've felt better about myself and for some strange reason I've had a clearer head when I sit down to write. The guilt factor is gone. Guilt was killing me!
We go for drives too. Seven of us piled into the Yukon, with snacks! We drive all around the valley and it's lovely.
With your current "condition", you shouldn't feel bad about learning all you can about pregnancy and discussing it with others, so go for!
Do all the positive things you can while carrying this little one.
Paty-- Just say NO! Oh my heck, they're sucking you back to dark side! LOL
Don't let them do this to you. What would they do if you moved out of state? Or if you were in a coma, or if you...
Get my drift? They don't have to have you, they're just being lazy.
So call them up and say NO!
Well, only if you want to. LOL
Karen-- Sounds like you're right where you need to be on this. Congratulations! I'd give you a prize or something, but, NO! LOL
Here's hoping the dh can come up with a little more long green so you can have it your way!
Alice-- ROFLOL! You crack me up!
You're right, it's hard to say no to fun husbands. And I'm still struggling with saying no to my kids. Like right now the 3 year old naked boy is begging me for dry macaroni noodles! How do you say no to an adorable kid in froggy underwear? LOL Man I wish this kid would learn how to wear clothes.
Saying no to your close family is hard, especially if you want to do what they're suggesting. So you go for it! I know you have the strength to choose what's best for you!
Eli-- You've got the right of it. We do have to take care of ourselves first in order to take care of others. It's taken me a bazillion conks over the head to "get it", but it's sinking in.
You know when you're on an airline flight and they show you how to use the oxygen mask thingy? They tell you to be sure and get yours on correctly first, before helping anyone next to you. If you didn't, well, you'd not be able to help the next guy. So see, that's what we moms, wives, sisters, daughters, friends, should all be doing; that way we can be there for others the way we need to be.
Geez Louise I wish school would have been canceled today instead of Tuesday. I'm on the couch with the pukes and naked child #5 is bored out of his flippin mind and driving me out of mine at the same time. LOL
Danita-- You've earned your right to say NO, for sure!
I'm so happy for you and your wonderful life! What a terrific second wind it's given you.
But you should seriously consider the treasurers position for the chapter; I've heard it loads of fun! LOL
Thanks gals for chiming in and sharing. I'm off to crash on the couch again with my gurgling tummy.
Happy Day to you all!
Piper, do not enable my ivillage addiction! LOL. This book will NEVER get done if I let the OCD me read all she'd like and take all the naps she'd like and . . . But thanks for the encouragement.
Your blogs are always so much fun!!
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