It's January 2007 and we have a brand new year ahead of us. I look at it as a clean slate for all of my life. A time to renew old goals that haven't been accomplished, and a time to make new ones. A time to reclaim life and let go of things that have bogged life down for the past year. Usually I'm pretty pessimistic about the new year when it rolls around. I think of all the things I didn't accomplish and I generally beat myself up and feel all sorts of guilt. But this year is different for some reason and I'm feeling quite positive I tell you! No, really, I am. But, like a muscle, I need to exercise this whole positive notion thing to make it stronger so it can withstand the negative that tends to want to creep slowly back around to quash all this positive thinking. Kind of like eating too many sugary treats after building up the muscle a little and thinking it's going to be there forever now that you've got it. Does this make sense?This year I'm looking forward to writing. Not just writing a novel either, but all sorts of writing. Keeping up my personal blog, contributing to this chapter blog, writing down goals to keep with my family and making sure to take time to write my ideas and dreams down for myself. Writing clears ones head, as I'm sure you already know.I've had some wicked awesome dreams lately, and I've been writing bits and pieces of them down to add into a novel that's been spinning in my head. Over the last few weeks I've had many of you tell me that my voice lends itself to YA; I've taken this into consideration as I've been writing down ideas and figuring out where I want to go with this whole writing gig. It's very exciting to have my head whirling with thoughts in such a different direction than I've ever dared ponder.
(I'm also thinking that writing YA will make it so I don't have to write the dreaded love scenes. They make me panic just thinking I may have to write them someday. Love scenes are not my forte, heck, I don't even enjoy reading them most of the time. They have to be done really well to suck me in, otherwise I skip them and get back to the meat of the story. It's like yeah, yeah, been there, done that, let's move on people. LOL Okay, getting off track, which seems to be quite easy for me to do, unfortunately.)
It was suggested to me that I take an idea from a dream I had and turn it into a YA. Thanks Danita. :) Now my brain won't stop whirling with this idea and I've got a great start. But I'm scared. I'm a total chicken shit writer, and it's no fun either. (Piper folds her arms, sticks out a pouty lip and stomps her foot. Yes, she's very mature.) This, however, is the year to overcome all this feathery poopness. I will conquer the demons who tell me I suck and I should run in the opposite direction of my hearts desire. This year I will slay those evil dragons! It's funny how powerful our minds are and how much we can accomplish or avoid because we either shut out or embrace those doubt mongers that scream at us. ("Please tell me I'm not alone," Piper pleads as she struggles to free herself from the straight jacket.)
So, do any of you have doubt mongers that whisper or scream in your ears about your writing abilities? Or, do you feel confident and like you're headed in the right direction with this writing thing? (lucky) Have you ever been overwhelmed by fear, doubt, guilt, etc., and it's pa
ralyzing effects, thus making you stifled in your writing? What are your best weapons for slaying the doubt mongers and their hateful fears they put in your way? How do you keep from being trodden down? How do you stay positive in this competitive field of writing and getting published? ("Wow," you're thinking, "What the hell is wrong with Piper? She's really screwed up." LOL) But seriously, share your weaponry with me and others who may feel this way. Help us overcome these fears and doubts in our abilities by telling us how you've conquered and won. I'll even say the magic words. Please and Thank You. :)
ralyzing effects, thus making you stifled in your writing? What are your best weapons for slaying the doubt mongers and their hateful fears they put in your way? How do you keep from being trodden down? How do you stay positive in this competitive field of writing and getting published? ("Wow," you're thinking, "What the hell is wrong with Piper? She's really screwed up." LOL) But seriously, share your weaponry with me and others who may feel this way. Help us overcome these fears and doubts in our abilities by telling us how you've conquered and won. I'll even say the magic words. Please and Thank You. :)
15 comments:
Wow,Piper, you ask tough questions. I've never conquered my doubt demons, but we have an understanding. Sort of. I don't give in to putting so much pressure on myself to "get it right" and I tell myself it's okay to write crap. If I give myself permission to write crap, the pressure is off and I feel free to write whatever I want.
I'm not prolific by any means, and I grab the muse as she flies by, hopping on her broomstick for a quick ride. Yes, my muse can be an evil witch sometimes, but I forgive her. Like I forgive myself for writing crap. Writing is rewriting, and I'm okay with that.
When I'm frustrated, whether it be with a story I'm writing or just with the publishing business as a whole, I try to imagine myself without a book to work on. I can't. I'd be miserable. Writing makes me happy, and that's why I do it. As long as I remember that, the doubt demons aren't so scary.
Don't despair, Piper! If you love to write, you'll write regardless of the doubts. They don't matter so try not to take them so seriously. Just accept them for what they are and keep writing. I know you can do it!
Karen
Great post Piper!
2006 was the year of the war on doubts for me. I think 2007 is going to be much better. I didn't write much at all for the first 9 months of 2006--the doubts spiraled into depression and I just couldn't write. I started working with a great counselor, found better medication, and found my writing center again. So, um, yay for depression treatment!
Now it's different kinds of doubts that plague me--mainly financial ones--I'm spending a lot of time worrying about money right now, and I worry that I'm down right insane for pursuing my writing and teaching over using my law degree. That little voice has been really loud lately. I worry that I'm setting myself up for a world of disappointment. Not to mention a life of government cheese. The financial worry is my big nemesis right now.
I'm not sure that I'm the expert on how to banish the doubts b/c I have all the ones you mention and then some. The number one thing (and I know this my broken record lately. Just shoot me.) is opening my WIP each day. If I write that day, the doubts seem to subside long enough to let me make progress and give me enough momentum for the next day.
Yesterday, I spent the day writing syllabus. No writing on the WIP. Lots more doubts late last night. Those same doubts wanted to keep me from my WIP this morning. I told them to go hell and opened the document. I know that all I can really do right now is keep moving forward, one day at a time, one word at a time, one book at time. Just keep moving forward. It definitely helps to have a plan and a goal--but I can't think too much about my end goals or else the doubts start to creep back up. I'm also trying to practice putting blinders on when it comes to industry projections and other's career paths--if I focus too much on those it starts to feel impossible. So I just try to focus on what I can control. I just have to believe. The alternative sucks too much.
Oh and YA rocks. (I like love scenes but it still rocks!) Anytime you want YA CP or input, just let me know. Your voice is perfect for it.
I feel immensely hopeful for 2007 for all of us.
Oh and love what you're writing. That overcomes an awful lot for me. I might not always love the process, but loving the story helps to motivate me past the doubts. Screw the doubts. The story wants to be told :P
You may not want me to chime in. :) Yes, I have doubts. But getting published, though it has been a goal, isn't the reason I write. I write because it makes me happy and other people like to read what I write.
Some days I'm not happy with what I've written, but I have put words on the pages and it makes me feel accomplished.
My only demons are that once more people do start reading my books that I don't disappoint them. I don't want to be an author who puts out a bad book. One that makes the reader scratch their head and wonder how that crap got published!
Piper, just write. Let the words flow. Every time you reply to an e-mail or the blog you entertain. That is writing!
Ditto, ditto, ditto.
(And I'm waiting for Alice to chime in on this one - prolific multi-pubbed wonder that she is.)
I don't think there are any writers out there who aren't plagued by doubt demons. (And if there are, I betcha they lie.) Writing is such a personal profession because it comes from within. I would imagine poets and painters and sculptors - anyone in a creative career - feel the same. But writing is different because we're creating "people" and plots and stories that come alive. And within every single story we craft, there's a small part of us in there - maybe something we did or do or want to do. Someone we want to be or someone we admire or someone we fantasize about. And that makes "putting it out there" to the masses - be it readers or agents or editors - just that much harder.
I don't have a lot of advice for how to overcome doubt demons. I just try to push through and keep working. Sometimes that works. Sometimes it works after a while. The more I write, the more my career changes and grows, the more susceptible to doubt demons I seem to be. For so long I was focused on getting an agent, then I did, and I was thrilled, but my productivity totally dropped off after I signed with Laura and started learning about the "business" side of writing. And though I've come up with oodles of reasons why, I think doubt demons are a small part of that. Can I write another book as good as the last that snagged so much attention? What if it doesn't get published? Does that mean the next thing I write is doomed to fail too? What if that's as good as I can do?
(I bet you're sorry you opened this can of worms now...LOL.)
Though I've heard it tons of times before, I remind myself daily that the only thing I can control is the writing - not how how people respond to it. I know from experience that I go through phases with my manuscripts - love it, hate it, loathe it, think WTF?, and then when I'm done, usually love it again. Whenever the doubt demons scream this is the biggest pile of horse dung on the planet, I remind myself of that.
Other things I do when I'm feeling overwhelmed are avoid blogs and loops. In fact, I don't think I've checked a loop (besides the chapter loop) since July. I tend to get frustrated with the business as a whole when I do.
So my advice, Piper, is just write. You DO have a great YA voice, but I know you'll succeed at any genre you put your mind to. The key is simply to write.
Ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto. Did I miss a ditto?
Geez, Eli, pressure here, but like Karen said about giving yourself permission to write crap (crap, afterall, can be deleted, edited and fixed and writing is rewriting just as she said) I offer this profound thought:
Demons are part of a writing life, an artist's life. I don't know ONE SINGLE writer who doesn't have to slay a few dragons on a semi regular basis. And I hate to be the one to say this, but the more you write, the bigger, greener, meaner the dragons become. You just have to put out some dragon fly paper and keep on writing.
You got some really good advice from Wavy and Eli and Paty and Karen. Here are my thoughts for what they're worth:
Don't worry about industry statistics. Statistics don't mean crap to you personally. You can't control them, you can't sway them, you can't even defeat them with a blow torch and a bazooka.
Karen's description of her muse is wonderful and I intend to copy her image from now on. I, too, will think of mine as a witch flying by. Sometimes a really pretty witch like Samantha, Hey Alice, hop on, let's go for a ride, let's go tip a cow or two, let's say "Hi" to Darren. And sometimes like that awful witch in the Wizard of Oz with the green face and the lousy cackle and only I can understand the cackle and it's saying something like "You fool, you can't do this, it's too hard, you're not good enough, get a grip, heh, heh, heh."
Anyway, nurture yours. Like Karen said, be understanding when she's feeding you a line of garbage, she's probably having a bad hair day. And when she's a Samantha, give her a hug and always, no matter what, appreciate the fact that she flies by your house because at least she's yours and she's talking to you. (Were you aware not everyone in the world has a muse? How lonely...)
Don't watch another person's career with envy. You don't know the ins and outs of what they fight and whether you would be willing to pay the price they pay for what they have. Their talent may be more marketable than yours--does that make it more worthwhile? Come on, do you think more people read Chekov or watch sitcoms? Quality exists on many, many planes and you can only take what talent you have and nurture it and grow it like an exotic flower. You can't make it into something it's not, you can only make it into a better something that is all yours. Another person's success doesn't lessen your chances, doesn't negate your talent.
Eli is right about eliminating negativity like industry gossip on loops, grousing about editors and all the other non productive gossip/garbage that people use to fill up their minds. Who needs it?
Wavy, I don't know what to say about financial worries unless that perhaps the desire to sell will be heightened by the desire to put food on the table. Ooh, ooh, idea: Have you thought of writing a YA about the youngest lawyer in the country--maybe some whiz kid? Is that possible? Could the kid get hired by an old folk's home or some other end of the spectrum group because he's all they can afford? Is this stupid? I.e, can you combine your knowledge and education with your writing? Second guessing life choices is extremely frustrating--as you know--and can be downright debilitating. Your inner happiness counts, too.
I know what Paty means about worrying that the more you are published, the greater number of readers and the greater opportunity to disappoint someone. I cringe every time someone I know reads one of my books. I just do. I bet lots of authors do. Again, it just kind of comes with the territory if you have that kind of personality.
Eli, if you can write one good book, then I guarantee you you can write not only a second good book, but a second better book. Have faith.
And that's what it all comes down to. Faith. In yourself. In your ability to tell a story. This is the beginning of a New Year for you Piper, but it also sounds like the beginning of a new commitment. I predict you're going to fly high this year. If you see my muse up there (she's probably hanging out with Karen's, up to no good), tell her to stop by and say hello.
(Thanks for such an honest, and timely, blog. I had just sat down to work on chapter three of my proposal and was feeling the same things you talked about--the doubts about myself and my book, yadda, yadda. So that's why I probably turned preachy, I'm probably talking to myself as much as anyone, but I am not going to go back and edit this. I AM going to go back to work on chapter three--even though my muse's hair looks a bit disheveled, no wonder she's cranky.)
Alice
These are all wonderful takes on the doubts of writing!
Everyone has their demons and they all have to find their own way to slay them and put the words on paper.
Remember Piper, we are all behind you and will gladly take up swords and help you win your battle!
Amen, Paty. Put those demons in their place! And Alice, does your muse have warts on her nose like mine does? I wonder if we're sharing the same gal. Hmmm... She's been kind of mean to me the past couple of days.
Aside from the writing, I have a creative day job that's supposed to help pay the bills, and it does. But not without a lot of blood-letting. Like rejection letters from agents and editors, graphic designers get them from their clients. Not out-and-out rejections, but "change this to that, and do this, then make the color this, and I want to see it like this, too." You kind of lose your creative attachment to projects after a while, which has helped me thicken my skin when it comes to writing and those nasty doubt demons.
I'm in full agreement with Alice that even after you're published, those demons don't go away. They just change their shape. For example, a few bookclubs out here are taking on my book as one of their monthly reads. Yikes! What if they hate it? One of them wants me to come speak to their group in May. Will that be like facing a jury? Scary stuff. But hey, I just gotta suck it up.
Karen
Karen--I actually went to one of those--in Bend, too. At a Borders, I think although it could have been Barnes and Noble, I forget. The women had all read the book and they were as nice as they could be. You'll have fun! No one will say one nasty word. And they'll give you refreshments!
Alice
Alice---OMG. What a prompt. I read that, hit the floor, came back up and amid the stars I could see the character, his name and the case he's taking on . . . . That idea definetely made it into the little purple idea book (yes, I have such a thing).
Actually, lawyers DO feature into a number of my stories and planned future books. Next YA in the hopper is Debate Team Chick Lit. Don't laugh. It's going to be funny. Pinky swear.
Wavy, you and Piper are going to be our YA divas, I can feel it!
I want you all to know I waved my magic Demon-Away wand and you are all now demon free - Write! Write! Write! And never a fear or doubt will you feel! ~0~
Paty--Keep waving your demon-away wand! Between that wand and Karen's witch, I now have an updated and vivid arsenal of tools to keep away things that go bump in the middle of a book.
Wavy--Cool. I love YA books. I wrote one that got a bit of attention from agents, etc... but never sold. I like the way YA books tell a story from beginning to end, without ambiguity and loose ends. And usually with humor and very fresh characters. The good ones are a treat.
Alice
What an army of demon slayers you all are!
I'm so impressed with your responses to my blog post. I'm going to print all of them to hang on the wall in my office so I can study them and gain strength from your words of wisdom, daily. I love your advice! Thank you sooo much!
I'm sorry it took me so long to respond, but I had one heckofa busy weekend and couldn't get to the computer for more than a five second glance at a time, if that. Sheesh!
Alice, your idea for Bethany is wonderful!
Bethany, go for it! It's such an awesome idea!
Karen, I've been thinking about your funny muse all weekend and pondering what you said about not putting so much pressure on yourself to get it right, and just write crap. I had no idea that you're not prolific. It's funny, but it didn't dawn on me that you would write crap either. LOL I've read your writing and it's great, so you obviously are great at the rewriting. I'm going to adopt that attitude myself. Goodness knows all of you have said it enough times, but it's only now sinking in.
Bethany, I've decided that the 'lack of money thing' is always going to be a pain in the ass. It's always there, we just have to learn to balance the 'short of the long green', if you know what I mean. LOL Your routine of opening the WIP everyday is a great idea; I'm going to be taking you up on the whole YA crit thing too. Thanks!
Paty, I totally relate to what you said about worrying what people will think of what you've written. It's so hard to put ourselves out there like that, all open for salt pouring into our wounds. :) You always seem sooo brave to me though! Thanks for your strength!
Eli, you're right on with avoiding the blogs and loops most of the time. They can get so negative, and then it all seems overwhelming, as if we, as writers, really have no chance to succeed, so we should slam the laptop shut and go soak our heads. LOL It's best to stick to the positive as much as we can, this helps us to get over those doubt hurdles and keep on running. And you're also right about changing over time. I've seen your writing go from really good to great, so now it's just a matter of getting it out to a smart editor/publisher. I agree with Bethany, 2007 is going to be a terrific year for all of us!
Alice, I got to thinking about what you said, and you're totally right about all artists having demons. I've never heard of a single case where they didn't. Sad, but true. I guess it's just up to us to get over it and press forth. I'm going to head over to the hardware store and pick me up some of that dragon paper you were talking about. LOL
You've all been so helpful! I really appreciate the fact that we are here for one another and that when one needs strength and buoying up, there are so many ready to hold the one in need. You're all the best friends I've ever had in my whole life! Thanks for "getting it" and helping out. Thanks for encouragement and advice, compliments and that shove in the "write" direction. You're all the BEST! (((BIG GROUP HUG)))
I'm so glad your head is whirling with so much positive energy, Piper. That's great. As for doubts...Oh yeah, I get 'em too. I can go from thinking I've written a pretty good, solid story, to thinking I've written a complete pile o shit in one easy step. All I have to do is get a rejection, get negative contest feedback, or just have a bad writer's day. (Kind of like a bad hair day, but worse)
Just hang in there, keep writing. That's what all the published authors out there have done.
Sorry to hear you have the same artistic hang-ups as all of us. LOL
And thanks so much for the encouragement about writing a YA. I'm so pumped about the homeless idea! Brilliant! Well, if it gets written and is publishing worthy it'll be brilliant. LOL
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