A few months ago I entered a WIP I'd been working on in the Daphne. I know, I know, kinda goes against my whole contests-are-for-the-birds theory, but in my defense I was coerced into entering by my critique partner. (I plead insanity.) It was fifteen bucks, and since I am basically a sheep and my CP was pushing, I figured what the hell. No one had read the WIP and I figured maybe (ha!) I'd get some feedback on whether or not the idea had merit. I didn't final - and I had a feeling I wouldn't because the hero and heroine don't meet in the first fifteen pages, which is my downfall in contests like this - but, surprisingly, my scores were pretty good. Really good actually. And the feedback was even better. So basically, I accomplished what I wanted by entering. But has it inspired me to keep working on this WIP?Nope.
I moved back to a different WIP I had - ironically - stopped working on for the same reason.
A few days ago, I think it was Alice or Karen (forgive me, my brain is mush after staying up until 1am working and only 1/2 cup of coffee this morning) said something about standing in a bookstore, looking at the novels and being overwhelmed by what they see in front of them. How can I compete? What makes me think my book is good enough to garnish a spot on that shelf? Personally, I've never had those thoughts when I'm in Borders or Barnes & Noble or the Keizer book swap. Generally, I'm inspired when I stare at those shelves. I figure if she can make it there, by God I certainly can get there. No, bookstores don't intimidate me or hold me back, but one minor comment from someone I don't even know can.
In this case it was one judge in that contest who made an offhand comment about the idea not being fresh and new. The same judge marked me high in all areas though and gave me one of the highest scores overall. But that fresh comment stuck with me. As a writer, coming up with fresh and exciting and different plots is what I strive for. And after writing 150 pages on that book I looked at my story and thought, why the heck am I bothering?
Silly, huh? When you look at classic stories over time, every plot has been done and redone to death. There really aren't any new plots out there. What sets your book apart from other books is the writing and voice and the characters you create. My agent basically confirmed this same idea when I heard from her on a new book idea I'd come up with. It's a paranormal RS - a little out of my comfort zone but still with enough RS to satisfy my suspense-driven soul. Her feedback was great. Loved the idea, loved the characters, thought it could definitely compete with other paranormals on the market now. But she also said there's nothing "totally new" about it and that again it will come down to voice and style.
This is my Achilles heel. This is that unknown hand over my mouth. This is what makes me doubt myself when I shouldn't. It's different for each of us. For some it's the fact we don't feel we have a handle on the craft of writing, for some it's characterization, for some it's fear of success or failure or everything in between. We each have something that makes us second guess ourselves and our abilities. I'm by no means an expert on fear (though I write them in my books), but it seems to me in order to overcome what keeps you from accomplishing your goals, you have to first understand what it is that holds you back.
So what is it for you?
17 comments:
I think a lot of my problem with getting pubbed by the big fishes is that I don't have fresh new ideas - though the spirit books are and they won't bite because- I think- they have all NA characters.
My fear that stops me from writing at times- is reading something eloquently worded and thinking I can't write like that, I'll never get published. Then I have to step back and think- that's that author's voice. I've never wanted to be an eloquent writer- I write like I am - minimal words to convey the story- that is my voice. To write in long flowery sentences and gush over the color or texture of something isn't me.
I'm getting better at reading a book and thinking "Wow" I'll never write like that and realize it's okay. It's not me.
I can only write from me and not someone else.
BTW- great topic! Now to think about what I'm going to blog tomorrow! OY!
"I'm by no means an expert on fear (though I write them in my books), but it seems to me in order to overcome what keeps you from accomplishing your goals, you have to first understand what it is that holds you back."
Oh, yeah. This is it in a nutshell. This is what is at the roots of every writer's little tree.
I have no idea how to counter fear because isn't fear mostly irrational? It's the monster under the bed, the anxiety in the closet, the boogie man. It can't be explained away -- just because you can't see the monster under the bed doesn't mean it's not there...
My fear? Letting go. Writing full tilt. I used to think of it as being a downhill skier afraid of going too fast. The anxiety seems to have lessened over the years so perhaps I have founds ways to coexist with it.
Maybe fear pushes us to reach further, to push.
Great blog, Eli. And you owe me $15.00.
Alice
Paty - we each have our own writing styles. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses is a plus. Recognizing other writers' strengths is also a sign that you've grown as a writer as well.
I used to think of it as being a downhill skier afraid of going too fast.
Love that analogy, Alice. Of course, you could take the blue square runs, inch your way down the mountain and avoid all the black diamonds in the process, but which is more fun in the long run? Which is more fulfilling? And which will you be most proud of when you reach the bottom?
Maybe fear pushes us to reach further, to push.
I think it definitely does. But then I have a desire to push through my fears. I don't know. Are others like that as well?
If you don't conquer your fears they have control over you and you'll just sit in your room and never experience life.
Just today, I was at a meeting with a man I know through 4-H and a 4-H member who I have witnessed grow through the program. (she graduated this year) The man commented on he saw where I would be reading at Paulina Springs. I said yes and he asked if I liked going that- I turned to the 4-H member who at times had to push me to the microphone at 4-H events and said confidently- I'm learning to like it.
When I took the 4-H job 10 years ago, I told them I would only take the job if I didn't have to speak in front of people. By the end of my tenure- I was giving classes and speaking in front of large groups. Granted there were times when the whole room looked fuzzy and my knees wanted to give way, but I did it and it was just one more stepping stone which made it more comfortable to read my work.
So yes, you do need to tackle your fears!
Paty--Evolving away from fear of speaking in front of people is a biggie! You've really forced yourself to face this aspect of self promotion head on and look how much it's done for you. Now you have control over it. That's cool.
And I agree with Eli that every writer has their style. I remember listening a to a very nice woman who wins lots of accolades for her books. She read a passage she termed dull (from a first draft of one of her own books) and then read how she'd jazzed it up with description and utilizing all the senses.
I liked it so much better the first way! LOL
Luckily there's room for everyone.
Alice
What holds me back? I think one of my weaknesses is not opening up enough and really letting go. It's like Alice said, holding back. Especially when it comes to writing a scene with terror or horror or things that go bump in the night. What I write isn't terrifying enough, or those bumping things need longer teeth and sharper nails (metaphorically speaking... sort of). This fear of letting go where it counts comes from critiques when I was told "that's too weird" or "that's too scary." I should keep my genre in mind and remember that I can't please everyone, which is why I have to go back into a manuscript and ratchet things up while ignoring those critique voices. It's getting better, but I'm still working on it.
As for original ideas, sometimes my story ideas are too odd for the market. Isn't that strange? You'd think that if I can come up with an over-the-top idea I should be able to write a story to match, but I struggle with that. I know I have it in me to do, but yanking it out from those deep recesses of my mind is a challenge.
Good blog, Eli.
Karen
Not being fresh and new? WTF does she know?
What's fresh and new anymore? Has she written anything or read anything that didn't stem from Bible stories or Shakespeare? Isn't life about good vs. evil, trial and error?
All writing in this world is cut from the same cloth, but we, the seamstresses, sew the cloth into designs of our own, thus creating something beautiful and worth reading because of our own unique voice that we lend to the same old cloth. Does that make sense?
Don't worry about being "fresh". That's just a bunch of crap that makes people who judge contests feel superior. It's hog wash and it ticks me off. (okay, rant over.)
Just write what comes from within. You have a great voice, Eli. A strong voice. You have some really fun, interesting topics in your RS stories that will appeal to many readers once they're published and out there for readers to enjoy. It's just a matter of jumping through the hoops and getting them in front of the right "person in power", so to speak.
Hang in there and don't let nothin' or nobody hold you back girlfriend!
That goes for all you writing chicks! :)
Great blog and great comments! I'm with you--I get inspired by bookstores, libraries and the ilk. Somehow, already printed books don't scare me. Good news on the PRO loop however, often has the opposite effect--like there are only so many sales and contracts and agents to go around and everyone else is so much more productive than me . . . Which leads me to what REALLY holds me back: unrealistic expectations and perfectionism. These two nasties are at the root (or a product of) many of my worst depressions, but their effect is pretty far-reaching, even when I'm not ill. I tell myself things like, "10 minutes isn't enough time to open your document," "You'll write later," but the procrastination is caused by the irrational belief that things need to be "perfect." In other words, I'll write when I'm in the right frame of mind, when I have an entire free day, when I'm not distracted, when . . .when . . When never comes. And I KNOW that. I've got to get over this perfectionism and unrealistic expectations to move beyond my current inertia.
I think a big thing that holds people back is when you stop believing that your goals are possible or that the journey (to quote Genene's great blog) is worth it. All this negative head tallk convinces you that there's no point to it. So, a big step forward seems to be replacing that negative talk with something more positive. Paty's comment is a great example, as is Becky's.
The blog this week has been excellent. Better than therapy. LOL.
Paty, you've come a long way. No one would ever know you have a fear of being in front of a group. :)
Karen, I've discovered editors *say* they want new and different, yet when it comes to buying, they buy much the same stuff. How many crime scene books are out there? How many serial killer books? How many vampire series? All done to death before. What sells them is the different voices and twists the writers come up with.
LOL, Piper. My own personal cheerleader!
ROFL.
Love this:
All writing in this world is cut from the same cloth, but we, the seamstresses, sew the cloth into designs of our own, thus creating something beautiful and worth reading because of our own unique voice that we lend to the same old cloth.
Well said.
Good news on the PRO loop however, often has the opposite effect--like there are only so many sales and contracts and agents to go around and everyone else is so much more productive than me.
I know this feeling, Wavy. But the truth is your (and my) time will come. A good book is a good book and it will sell regardless of whatever else is selling. Whenever I hear good news from my peers (sales), I think about the fact if they sold, then I will too. And sooner rather than later. ;)
Good question, Eli! Great post and great comments. What held me back was a lack of self-worth. Procrastination, perfectionism, fear of success or failure, and all the other excuses -- stemmed from that lack. You're right -- recognizing that fear was a huge step toward releasing it.
I think what holds me back is also other people's comments. I haven't grown thick enough skin yet. I entered my first ms. in several contests. Scored high, scored low. Scored in between. Never finaled with it. Got all sorts of varying comments -- what one judge loved, another despised. It wasn't until the last contest that I got really frustrated. Two judges both said "The murder isn't original." None of the other judges had ever dinged me for that, or commented on the murder itself, and now, because the slaying wasn't done by a cross-dressing vampire in the middle of a volcano, I'm being chastised?
I shouldn't have let it bother me. But it did. I put the book away, and haven't taken it out since. I may, someday. I think it's a good, solid story with a few changes and some rewrites...
I'm with Eli, when I hear of someone's sale, I rejoice. Okay, let's be honest here -- I despise the author for a few moments, okay, okay, maybe for a day or two -- but then I rejoice. Like Eli said, if they sold, then I will sell, sooner rather than later.
Well put, Eli.
I'm also with Eli on bookstores -- all those books inspire me, especially when so many of the authors I know, sort of know, or at least have seen or spoke to at conferences. I know it's possible, and not just a high-reaching fantasy among the silver-lined clouds.
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