Current Project: Nine-book contemporary romance series
Status: Coming together
My son left home yesterday. I suppose in this season of kids starting school or going off to college, that shouldn't be considered odd.
However, my son is thirty-two years old.
Before you laugh and comment that he should have left home years ago, let me explain.
This healthy young man recently spent five days in the hospital with a potentially life-threatening condition. He actually did leave home years ago, but was staying at my house and going to a clinic every couple days until doctors got his medication regulated.
He slipped easily back into my life and I quickly got used to seeing him every day instead of once every week or so.
Throughout his hospital stay and the life adjustments afterward, I knew with a certainty that he was going to be fine. However, that didn't stop a jolt of adrenaline whenever his phone number showed up as an incoming call on my cell phone. And it doesn't stop me from missing him like crazy now that he's gone back to his house out of town.
Yes, I held my tears until after he was gone and I only teased him about leaving home again rather than throwing myself in front of the door and refusing to let him go.
However, in the last few weeks, something inside me has shifted. I realized once again what a gift both of my sons are. I realized that even though we might go different directions, we're still connected. Most of all, the reminder that we're only on this physical plane for a limited time has made even everyday moments something to celebrate.
What about you? Many of us have faced losses and traumas and life-changing events lately. Have these experiences changed your perspective or the way you live each day?
9 comments:
Genene -- As you know, every noteworthy experience changes the way you view life, it's just that some are more profound. Our very good friends' adult son died two weeks ago and there isn't a day goes by that my husband and I wonder how in the world they are ever going to live through it. I am so glad your son is okay.
Learning to relish the moment is truly a gift. I often wonder about the balance we strike -- living life as though we're invincible against loading every event with so much baggage because we know we're not that we kill it. There's a few lines in an old 3rd Rock From the Sun episode where Dick talks about how brave we humans are, clinging to this planet as it hurls through space, depending on gravity (he calls it the "misguided" belief in gravity).
Life takes guts. And aren't those internal shifts interesting?
Genene, I'm so glad to hear your son is better and out of the hospital. What a relief that must be for you.
I don't think it'll come as a surprise to you that my illness this summer changed my whole perspective on life, too. I look at it differently now, not so much one day after another full of things I have to do but a true gift. Whenever I start to get irritated with the kids, I remember how I felt when I got out of the hospital. How green everything looked, how bright the sun was, how fresh the air smelled and how beautiful my house was when I stepped in the door. I remember feeling how lucky I was to be alive (my mom says blessed) and how trivial everything that bothers us truly is.
Reading your post really reminded me of my mom this summer. My ordeal impacted her as well. I don't think she ever expected one of her kids to die before her, so when I nearly did, it changed her outlook on life, too. I honestly don't know what I would have done with out her these past few months. She's a teacher, and she'd just gotten out of school for the summer when I got sick. She gave up her entire summer to nurse me back to health and help take care of my kids after my husband had to go back to work. Even when I was better and could handle the kids on my own, she still insisted on coming in every day, taking them somewhere to get them out of the house and just "being there" to take some of the pressure off me. I dedicated STOLEN HEAT to her long before any of this happened, and when the book showed up in July and she read the dedication, she cried.
I'm not sure why things like this happen. I think about Alice's friends who lost their son and it makes me sad. Every doctor I've talked to has told me I'm lucky to be alive and that I really have no clue how sick I really was. I don't know why I survived when most people in my condition don't, but I'm thankful I was spared. And I'm planning to make use of whatever time I've got left here.
Alice and Eli, I thought of you both as I wrote this post. Alice with your mom, and Eli with your own ordeal, as well as the major changes many in this group have or are going through. It's really been a year of major life events.
Eli, your mom probably needed to be with you as much as you appreciated her helping out--just to reassure herself that you were OK. You're right that kids aren't "supposed" to die before their parents.
Alice, my heart goes out to your friend. I just heard that a friend/acquaintance of mine lost her son in Iraq. I haven't seen her in a while and haven't seen her kids in years. I remember her son as a child and have trouble envisioning him being old enough to be in the military.
Eli, the description of your emotions when you got out of the hospital pretty much say it all. I'm so glad you survived too!
Learning to relish the moment without overloading it with baggage. I like that, Alice! Internal shifts definitely give us much to contemplate.
Thank you both for your well wishes for my son. I haven't convinced him to move back in with his mother though. LOL!
Genene, sorry for the late response. I'm just getting caught up on things. I'm so glad to hear that your son is doing well. I know you must be very relieved.
I'm afraid my own personal brush with mortality came at too young an age to make much of an impact on me -- I was only 3 and nearly died of complications from the chicken pox, or so I'm told. I can only remember the hallucinations. ;-)
However, my mom's had two serious bouts with cancer and I lost my dad 15 years ago to bone cancer. Living through that, experiencing that punch-to-the-gut realization that life is fleeting and too precious to waste, does alter your perspective on what's really important.
I'm not always successful in remembering to keep things in perspective, but I do try.
Hi, Debbie! Thanks for stopping by and for your well wishes for my son. You can see I'm a bit tardy in responding to comments, so not to worry about timing. :)
My sympathies for your mom's illness and in losing your dad. Isn't it interesting that you only remember the hallucinations of your own experience with near-death at an early age? Gotta be a story in that somewhere!
Yay for your son getting well, Genene! That's wonderful news!
Live-changing events...
On Monday, I will experience what it's like to have all my children in school for at least 3 hours of my day. I'm looking forward to the changes that will come from this "freedom", but I'm also freaking out because my baby will be tossed out into the lone and dreary world where he'll not be as loved by anyone as he is by me.
It scares me, yet I'm looking forward to his growing and experiencing being around people who are not going to tolerate his odd behavior as my family and friends have all done these 6 years of his little life. He's a handful with his Aspie/Autistic ways and it's going to be a challenge for him, and for me, for him to go through what lies ahead in misunderstandings and other griefs when he's out there on his own with people who don't know him. *sigh*
I'm very anxious about the whole thing. The main reason I pulled him from school, after a few weeks, last year was he just wasn't ready socially to be in the world. I'm crossing my fingers that he'll be okay this year.
I know this is nothing compared to the scares your son, and Elisabeth, and others have gone through with coming so close to losing their lives. I'm so relieved and happy that everyone is recovering and moving forward.
The shift I'm feeling with my son heading out Monday is I wonder if I've done the right thing by letting him be who he is. He's a riot to be around, but I love him so I'm prejudice. I think the things he says and does are hilarious because he's so different; others will not see it this way. He's not going to conform and it's going to be a problem. Oh well, I'll cross that bridge when it comes. Other people have Asperger's/Autism waaaay worse than he does and they make it in life. *another sigh*
Thanks for the nice post. I hope your son comes to visit you often and that he realizes what a GEM of a mommy he has in you!! (((hugs)))
Genene, I'm thrilled to hear that your son is doing better. And I'm thinking of you with this difficult transition of him moving back out.
And Alice, I love what you said: "life takes guts."
Thanks for your kind words about my son, Piper!
Ah, it's so tough to let our kids go to school, isn't it? Especially if they are "different" than the other kids. However, that's not such a bad thing. I always seemed out of step, so the peer pressure to do things that weren't healthy or smart didn't affect me much. So I think your son may have an advantage that he has been allowed to be himself. Good for you for doing that!
(((HUGS))) back to you and to your brave young man that this year will be much better!
Thanks for your well wishes, Lisa! Wanting him to stay at home is just me being spoiled. I know he needs to get back to his own life but, as someone else said, with frequent visits!
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