Writing is my first love.
It has been a constant in my life even when I spurned it. Which I did. Often. It was waiting patiently in the recesses of my mind, knowing that one day, I would come to my senses and sit back down at the computer. Which I did. And spurned it again. I won't bore you with this seemingly endless process that has marked my twenties. Let's just say the last time I sat back down, I kept my butt on the chair and finished something for the first time in my life.
Before I had a chance to enjoy the success, however, reality intruded. Or rather, reality in the form of: "MOMMY!!!!!"
Need I say more?
How about: "Honey, what's for dinner? Where are my socks? Can you wash my work jacket? When are you going grocery shopping? I need to go out into the shop for the next five years. See you when I'm forty."
And then there's: "Why haven't you been returning my calls? I e-mailed you three times? Are you dead? All you ever do is write!"
Once I overcame the dilema of my own neuroses (i.e. laziness, fear of success/failure, an underwater basketweaving class to take), I realized that I had a whole slew of others to contend with. For the last ten years, I have devoted myself to my family and friends. This has, by no means, been a hardship. I love my family. I love my friends. That goes without saying. But, now, my first love, that other woman, has come back into my life, this time to stay (I hope). How in the world do I juggle this? I spent the first two weeks of November hunched over my keyboard, pounding out 160 pages of my novel. I finished it in a fervor, red-eyed and hissing at my family when approached for things like OJ, snacks, and dinner. I resented every moment that took me away from my computer. When the dust settled and I came up for air, I realized that this approach doesn't work. Not for me and certainly not for my family.
I came up with a pretty good working plan: I write M-W-F for two hours while my daughter is in preschool (provided that the baby isn't scaling the walls and/or poking his stubby little fingers into the dog's eye sockets) and after the wee beasts go to bed in the evening. It's all good in theory. But, as I walk by my desk, a laundry basket glued to my hip, I stare longingly at the square, flat screen. At the boxy keys that sound like heaven as I run my fingers over them, tapping out a melody my heart and soul recognizes. I begin to pant. A flush creeps its way up my throat. I can literally feel the power that sings through my fingers as I pour my soul out onto the page.
Come on, it taunts. Just for a minute. Nobody will notice. Barney is on. The kids are fine. You know you want to.
I have no self-control. I smoke, I eat things that I know I'm not supposed to. I drink too much coffee. How can I possibly resist the power of this machine who holds me captive? I sit down, running my fingers laschivously across the screen. Stop! a part of me screams. Once you start, the world will cease to exist! And this is a bad thing?
In the end, the temptation passes. Why? One word: REVISIONS. Sure, it's easy to pass the computer by when I only have to reread and read again my MS. Of course, I've just completed the outline to my second MS. Hopefully, I'll get it together by then.
So, my question to you is this: All of you have other responsibilities. For some, it's a day job and for others it's young children. There are families, husbands, other hobbies and organizations to which we belong. How do you strike the balance between writing and your other responsibilities?
8 comments:
I've struggled with this for so damned long, as we all have. And my own personal conclusion is this--I can't. Balance it all. It's impossible. There is always more time that needs to be spent on a chapter, more time that needs to be spent on a family crisis, more time that needs to be spent on chores, research, or just relaxing myself in some way. Something will always take more time that you've allotted it, regardless of how you plan. Always. So I don't try anymore. I simply do the very best that I can with instincts and common sense, and let the chips fall.
Needless to say, this has been extremely freeing for me, and most times things work out fine. I'm content, and wouldn't go back to that impossible pressure for anything.
Great post. Keep it up, ladies!
Jen,
I do my writing in the mornings. Sometimes I only get an hour, sometimes as many as two or three. I've learned to stay focused and get as much done as I can in the brief amount of time I have. I try to write everyday. I don't think of is as a chore. I think of it as a job I love.
It is hard. And I know exactly where you're coming from. Keep doing it, and you'll find your strike and balance.
Fun post!
Welcome to the blog Jenni! And welcome Stephe! Yay for delurking!
What's worked for me the past several months is daily word counts--I aim for 2,000 words. If I get it fast, then I can think about continuing or doing other things that need to be done. If it's coming slowly, other things wait. If other things can't wait, I just start the next day with the same goal--2,000 words regardless of what I managed to get out the day before. (i.e. this week, one day was spent doing agent queries and one day was spent doing website, but just started the next day with the same goal: 2,000 words). I'm currently shooting for 6 days a week, although I'm a bit easier on myself on Saturdays. When I edit I break the book into sections and use those as my goal markers. I have no idea how those of you with kids manage it--I find it really hard when my husband comes home for lunch and interrupts my pace.
When I had kids and was employed by someone else, it was a lot easier to keep a schedule. Obligations and responsibilities force you to keep a schedule, IMO. 8^) But now that I work for myself, I don't have set hours and tend to work all the time out of fear I won't get another project. I think balance is key, and I just haven't attained that yet.
I like Bethany's method of giving herself a word quota. That would probably work for me. When I commit to something, I usually stick to it.
Oh, and now that I'm hip deep in promotion for my book, I find I have even less time for anything. I've gotten involved in this really cool author connect program at Amazon. It includes a blog, which is on my book's detail page. I just made my first post today. I'll let you know if it's worth the trouble.
http://www.amazon.com/Desert-Guardian-Karen-Duvall/dp/1601540140/sr=1-1/qid=1165787110/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-6398345-6692861?ie=UTF8&s=books
Karen
Welcome to the blog, Stephe and Jen! 8^)
I struggle with this, too. I can't write much during the day because I have three small kids. The oldest is in school, but the other two are underfoot all the time. Just as I start to get cooking on my book, someone asks for juice, or for me to put in a movie, or I have to intercept the youngest from beating his older brother to a pulp, or someone's screaming or smelly or messy or getting into crap he shouldn't (like the Christmas tree)...
You get the idea. I can edit and crit and blog and check email during the day, but I get very little "new" writing done. M-W-F my 4-yr old goes to preschool for two hours and the baby naps. I've tried writing then - but again, just as I get going it's time to go get him. Two hours flies by like a snap. I'm still trying to teach myself to be productive during that 2-hr window. Teaching myself to leave the laundry and kitchen and vacuuming alone then and focus on writing has been the hardest part. Because, like you, I have other responsibilities that have to get done on top of the writing.
I do most of my writing at night after the Gremlins (Petrie Dishes for Alice) are in bed. But I still struggle because that's when DH and I spend time together, and writing cuts into that time. I don't have a schedule - some nights I go in the other room and write, some nights I sit with the laptop with him and edit, and other nights I try not to work at all. Depends on my mood, what he's doing and what we did the night before.
I don't have any answers, Jen. I'm still trying to balance it all, too. I think Stephe's right though - maybe there is no real balance. Something's always gotta give - be it the writing or the family or the full time job or the laundry or the dinners or the clean house. Having an understanding and supportive husband helps, as does a family that appreciates your dream. Maybe the goal shouldn't be balancing it all, but finding compromises that work for everyone involved. Trying to be super-writing-working-mom won't do anything but make you crazy.
Great blog! And we're glad to have you join our blogging team!
Great blog Jen, and welcome, as Bethany said, to Stephe. Lovely to "see" a new voice. And great to have another interesting blogger.
I no longer have children at home but when I did, they were older than yours when I got serious about writing. I had the daytime when they were at school, and eventually, of course, you will have that time. I know it seems like eons until then because I can remember that it did for me, as well. The years so many of you are living through right now are very challenging. Rewarding, but challenging.
All that said, I got so I could write through almost anything. Friends without kids would die on the vine when they were interrupted. Nothing phased me. I'd stop to do whatever and just start again. That skill has stayed with me through the current years which are very trying in other, less difficult, ways.
No small children--a retired husband. No, he doesn't ask for juice. he doesn't need help changing his clothes. He can make his own dinner. But he does FUN things. He drives into town and looks at stuff or takes walks, or suggests going out for breakfast, or asks when I can take two days off to go here and two weeks off to go there--man, I hate sitting here in my bedroom typing away when something interesting is happening right over there! And since he's almost ten years older than me, I also hate standing in the way of his enjoying these years while I am still working!
Whoever said there is no perfect way to juggle it all is absolutely right. You do what you can and you always feel a little guilty. With you, it's the kids. With me it's an elderly mother I am the only emotional support for. It's always going to be something because time is finite and we all want so much. I have a writing friend who says what we women writers need is a wife. She came up with this after she read an article written by a male writer who said he worked every day from 8a.m. til 1p.m. and his wife stood guard at the door intercepting any crying child or nosey neighbor or what have you.
Bully for him. None of us have a guard posted at the door!
Don't despair. Set a word goal or scratch out an hour, your skills will eventually taper to fit what you can give and be eternally grateful your mind is popping with ideas, your fingers are itching to tap the keys AND that the people you love, need and want you.
Trust me to get pithy.
Alice
It's good to see new people both blogging and commenting! Yay!
My kids are grown and gone now.When they were home, I wrote when they were in school or taking naps. I didn't get as much written in those days, but it was a good growing and learning time for me.
Now, it's part time jobs, grandkids popping into the world and my husband wanting to take treks or needing help with the animals that cuts into my time. And like everyone says - you just have to find the right balance and know, there are some days you aren't going to get as much writing done as you wanted, but get some done. Or else you feel like you aren't accomplishing anything!
Great post, Jen!
And for those who posted on Wed., Thurs., Fri., Great posts, but I didn't take the time to comment- you know so little time!
Thanks for the welcome, y'all. I'm just glad you're all here... the views and advice I read on the site have helped me in so many ways (came over from Elizabeth's site).
Keep on keepin' on.
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