Let's Play with Words
I am bloggless this morning, and just realized it is my day to post. ACK!
So, here's what we're gonna do...we're gonna copy Piper and use an hilarious email of word play, only this one is from my auntie, not Piper's husband. And, instead of puns, today's chuckle is this:
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (v.) impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline..
11. Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n.) a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Funny huh? Now, let's think of our own silly meanings to words. I'll mull this over today and may come up with more. But only one pops into my groggy, didn't-get-enough-sleep-last-night-head at the moment:
1. Claustrophobic (n.) a person afraid of white-haired men wearing red.
I know, groan. But you can do better. I challenge you to come up with one or more of your own.
31 comments:
Is bloggless really spelled with two Gs? I think not.
2) Boob Tube (n.) a stretchy, sleeveless summer top.
3) Aries (v.) to slash a tire ve-r-r-r-ry slowly. Or...(v.) to breathe without a struggle.
4) Niagra (v.) the act of growing bras after dark.
Okay, I'm grasping now.
Ya'll give it a try. It's pretty fun.
Am I the only one playing?
I feel pathetic.
5) Hammer (n.) someone who yammers on about how much they love pork.
(That one is especially for you, Karen. Ha!)
LOL! I love it! I needed a laugh this morning.
I'm really bad at this but:
1)Halogen: Generation of those who did a lot of LSD
3)Flambe'(spelling may be off a teeny): A baby flamer.
4) Spackle: To hack and spam in a single e-mail
5) slipcover: a coat for those dresses that look like nighties
6) crutch: decrepit laptop writer keeps out of sentimental attachment
7) decrepit: what happens to your bank balance when it moves in reverse past zero.
Funny, Wavy!
You're not bad at all. And thanks for playing. Like frisbee, this is sort of a dull game to play by oneself.
And the crutch one, I recognize where you got that...
I thought up one more:
6) Righter (n.) an editor.
That one is a cheat because righter isn't actually a word, but I never said no cheating allowed. HA! Besides, it was pertinent.
Got this email from Alice a little bit ago, so thought I'd post it. Don't think Alice would mind...Are any of the rest of you having trouble posting today? If you are, you can send your ideas to me by email and I'll post them to the site like this:
Danita--I don't know why, but the blog site isn't letting me post
today. Tried to answer Karen's earlier and yours just now and couldn't do it. I didn't want you to think I was ignoring your blog--I loved it. If I think of any good ones, I'll try again later. Sorry,
Alice
altitude (n.) the attitude of a guy named Al.
comfortable (n.) what you sit around in comforchairs.
package (v.) the act of packing on pounds as you age.
luggage (v.) the act of lugging around the pounds packed on as you age.
garbage (n.) clothing old people wear.
Now tell me who's pathetic? Yeah, that's right. I win the pathetic challenge! Bwahahahaha....
Is it Friday yet?
Karen
Ha, Karen!
I was married to your first one for 17 years. Now you know why I am so warped and twisted.
And yours are excellent! Nothing pathetic about them, you would give the winners a run for their money.
I wish I had prizes to hand out to you and Wavy.
Danita, going to try again. Just got home and need to try to write a little, so am going to try one or two without giving it the thought I should. Karen, yours were great!
And now, vying for the most pathetic award, I present:
1.) Battlement (n.) sugar free candies handed out during hand to hand combat to fight bad breath.
2.) Blog (n.) listless chunks of fire wood.
3.) Dog-paddle (n.) implement used on naughty canines.
4.) Deadly (n.) The state of being achieved by someone named Leigh who jumps out of a plane without a parachute.
Hey, this is fun, but Karen, Wavy and Danita, you all have lost, mine are the most pathetic!!!
Boo-hoo.
Alice (who will now see if she can get on...)
Very funny, Alice. I especially liked the blog one. I think I'm still in first place for most pathetic attempt though, sorry about that. In case there's any doubt, this entry should clear it up:
7)Haggle (v.) what an unattractive elderly woman does when she spies a young, hunky man.
Ha! Now there's a bit of romance for you, eh?
And Wavy, just realized you forgot to list your number two. Please list it now.
We'll all be waiting around our computers with battlement breath. Ha!
Danita,
Okay, I may have to agree that you take the cake with Haggle.
alice
porcupine (n.) a very sad pig
gladiator (n.) a happy cannibal
popcorn (n.) married to momcorn
fundamental (n.)a crazy person having a good time
Alice, my favorite one of yours in battlement. Fighting bad breath! Snort.
And Danita, I gotta say the hammer one is pretty darn good. But Haggle is the best.
Wavy, spackle is great! Spam and hack. Genius.
Why isn't everyone playing this game?
transcriber (n.) a transexual writer
literary (v.) the act of airing out your trash.
literary agent (n.) the one responsible for airing out your trash
Oh, my god. I can't stop!
Okay Karen, it's time to move away from the keyboard.
Step away, now. No more. Although, honestly, every one you do is a major GIGGLE!
Alice
Ooops. 2) Reagent: The agent one hires after firing the first agent.
and:
8) Rebound: Moving a book from one publishing house to another
9) Rejection: The ejection of a laptop out a window
10) Rejuvinate: Using jujubees to raise one's blood sugar
Wavy--All my votes go to #10!
Alice
Hey Ladies! What fun! I'm in Ketchikan and reading these! We made it here for their biggest snow storm of the year!
Heroine- What a woman does when she wants a male to seduce her.
Snowballs - Family jewels on a snowman.
Okay, I can't think of anything else! I'll check for todays later!
Paty--Love the snowballs one! It's obvious Alaska is already inspiring you!
Dustbunny (n.) depression era rabbit
Alice
Too funny, Karen!
You're a natural. Maybe you invented this game?
Love yours!
Wavy, thanks for adding your number two, plus more. Love the literary ones.
Funny!
We're a flippin' bunch of geniouses around here. ha!
Hey Paty,
Thanks for checking in and playing along.
Snowstorm, huh?
Actually, it sounds a lot more exciting than all the rain and mud we are experiencing around here...
Karen,
Don't you listen to Miss Alice. You just keep 'em rolling in if you want.
Alice is right, all yours are a giggle!
You are all so stinking smart! I have no aptitude for this sort of thing. I'm way to duh. But I'm blown away by the ones you girls came up with! Wow. Totally impressed.
I'll try this...
1. Totally (n.) Alley where toads gone bad hang out.
2. Identity (?) When you dent your titty. Ouch!
3. Publishers (n.) Heavy drinkers in a pub. (pub lush, get it?) Yeah, that was a pathetic one if I ever saw one! Maybe I win?
4. Comment (n.) Mint for Communists.
5. Movies (n.) Men who come to your house and pack your stuff up when you move.
6. Advice (n.) When one is addicted to advertising they have an advice.
7. Configure (n.) The figure of someone in prison.
8. Toolbars (n.) Places where tools go to get drunk and pick up on other tools.
9. Subscribe (n.) Someone who writes for you when you're sick.
10. Organize (n.) A liver or heart or spleen that has eyes.
11. Valet (?) A sexual encounter with a chick named Val. (another pathetic attempt.)
12. Web Search (?) What the insect police do when a fly goes missing near a spider's web.
13. Console (?) Something a convict worries about while serving his sentence.
14. Inspector (?) When a ghost is no longer outside, but inside.
15. Error (?) When the wind blows so hard it sounds like it's roaring.
16. Minimize (n.) Tiny M's eyes.
17. Report (?) When you take off in your yacht, forget something and have to come back.
18. Broken (?) How a black man introduces you to his brother, Ken.
Another pathetic one.
19. Forgery (?) The reason Piper would fly to Scotland and try to become a really good Scottish girl if she were single. (For Gerard "Gerry" Butler) Okay! I win the most stupid, dorky, pathetic, nothing else to do in life except sit here and type these dumb things on the blog, award!
20. Romance (n.) Ants that live in Rome
Okay, I'm done.
No one will ever "see" me say this, but Piper, I laughed my head off reading yours. You win--not the dorkiest, but the wittiest. ''LOLROTFLOL."
If that makes sense. Loved them--Alice
I'm with Alice, Piper -- what a riot!
As always, glad to see your chipper self on here. You are too funny, girl.
Aw...Thanks girls. You know, I sat there reading all those word plays you girls did and I thought, 'how'd they do that?' I really thought that I'd never be able to come up with anything, but then I got started and couldn't stop laughing and trying more. I tortured my dh with each one of them too. LOL I had a flippin blast trying it. Puns I can't do, but these were easier than I thought they'd be. Thanks for the fun brain exerciser Danita! It made me try something new and have fun at the same time.
Oh, and Alice...Dustbunny--depression era rabbit...was the best one out of all them in my opinion. That one hit my funny bone the most for some reason. Still LOL at that one. I think it hit me funny because I was just looking stuff up on the internet about the dustbowl/depression era the other day so it made total sense to me. :)
Thanks for all the laughs girls!
These are HILARIOUS!!!!
You girls are too much. My side hurts.
And you are a natural at it too, Piper. We all enjoyed your entries.
Glad the DH did the sounding board work for you!
I agree, Piper. Alice's dustbunny was clever.
And Eli, don't you want to try to come up with a few of your own? They're easier than they seem.
These are too funny! You ladies are veerrry clevah! It's 2:00 a.m. and you'd think I could come up with at least one of these, but I think the brain already went to sleep -- which is where I'm going. Thanks for the chuckles!
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