Because I had a rather frazzled morning, I thought we could all use a top-ten list to brighten our day. So without further ado...
10 Reasons Why Books Are Better Than Sex
10. The written word lasts longer than most husbands.
9. You can close a book and turn off the light when you're tired. Husbands (or significant others) are another story.
8. Romance novels give you that fuzzy "new love" feeling, even if you've been married 15+ yrs.
7. When you write, you have time to come up with all those witty and sexy one-liners you forget in the heat of the moment.
6. Stories never get old.
5. Crying is acceptable. (Even expected!)
4. If you get interrupted by the kids, you don't feel guilty.
3. No chance you'll throw your back out.
2. You can do it anywhere - even on a crowded bus - and no one bats an eyelash at you.
And the number one reasons books are better than sex...
1. Even when you're entrenched in the the steamiest sex ever, there's no chance you'll get pregnant.
Add to the list. I need a good laugh today. Or if you have your own writing-related top-ten list, I'd love to read it.
14 comments:
I like your reasons! LOL Especially # 10, 4, and 1!
Here's the only one I could think of:
1) Books don't wake you up in the middle of the night for a quickie!
Elisabeth--Thanks for the laugh. I LOVED your list and have been sitting here (avoiding my book) and trying to think up something equally witty and am coming up so totally empty!
But I'll give it an abbreviated try:
THE TOP FIVE REASONS BOOKS ARE BETTER THAN SEX
5. Reading a book never gives you a venereal disease.
4. You can read in the back seat of a car and not get a cramp.
3. Plastic covers don't change the reading experience.
2. A book doesn't care if you still haven't shed the baby weight after ten years.
And the number one reason why books are better than sex...
1. Reading a book seldom results in some strange woman rushing through the door yelling that you're ruining her marriage by reading HER book, and then shooting you dead.
ROFLMAO (over and over), Alice!!
I LOVE your number three!! Bwahahah
And number one is so totally true. Thanks for the laugh. Yours are way wittier than mine!
Ha ha ha, Paty. So true!!! Books also don't stay awake until 1 AM watching TV and THEN decide they need to do something to release pent-up energy so they can sleep. ;)
ROFL
Alice! Great ones!
I'm just sorry that Eli's too funny blog is going to be missed by so many people who would have enoyed and would have offered their own funny takes. Love yours, Paty, and it ain't it the truth.
Alice
ROFLMAO Alice! You are so funny!
Good one Paty!
Fun post Eli!
Here's what I came up with...
Books don't roll over, all sexy like, but have morning breath.
Books don't care if you have morning morning breath. LOL
Books don't fart.
Books don't leave a gooey mess behind.
That's all I could think of for now. And this comment better post without that freaky picture like it did on the last comment I made. What was that?!!! Flickr is having a definite problem. Ugh!
Ha ha, Piper! Thank God books don't have morning breath!
Great additions.
And I agree...who are those people????
Piper, loved the gooey mess. Wanted to say it but didn't. Too funny!
Alice
Yea! The mystery people are gone! Apparently Flickr was down yesterday so Google's search for a pic of Piper Lee came up with those Chinese people instead of me. Weird. But there outta here!
See ya'll tonight!
Great list, Eli, and like Alice said, hard to equal.
But I'll give it a shot. Let's see...
You can "do" as many books as you want and it won't ruin your reputation.
With stories, size really doesn't matter.
You don't have to fake anything while reading a book.
If the alpha hero is pissing you off, you can just skip those pages.
And, when you finish a book, you don't have to pretend like it was great if it wasn't. Ha!
Love the tie-in with suspense on your number five, Alice. Why are so many people going to miss this blog? Because of the meeting tonight?
And yeah, the gooey mess thing popped into my head too, Piper. That's what humor is -- saying (or writing) the thing other people are already thinking.
Guess I havent' been married long enough yet, Paty. My DH has yet to wake me for a quickie.
Wow! you all have such great answers! And I'm just sitting here taking it in and wishing I'd thought of those! LOL
Hope to see you tonight. I'm going to take a stab at the mountain.
Danita--I was worried people wouldn't see Eli's list because it got posted so late. I was wrong. I loved your list, esp. the reputation one.
Paty--Hope the mountain doesn't get the best of you, drive safe.
Alice
Ha ha ha, Danita! Great additions.(esp. the one about finishing the book and not having to pretend it was great when it wasn't. I LOVE that one!) ROFL.
I also thought of the gooey mess but refrained from adding it to the list. Leave it to Piper to spew it out there! (no pun intended. ROFL).
You girls are so clever. ;)
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