Description - how to make the best better.

This past weekend I attended the Emerald City Conference in Bellevue, Washington. Author Megan Chance gave a workshop on utilizing description to set mood, tone, and strengthen character development.

To be truthful, I'm a reader who skips long paragraphs of description. I don't like leaving the forward motion of a story to read long diatribes of description. At Megan's workshop I learned how a writer can avoid those dull paragraphs and move the story forward.

When writing a descriptive narrative you need to stay in the point of view of the character who is experiencing the moment. This is called impressionistic or subjective Point of View. Using this method will capture the mood of the setting as well as the character's mood. It will also capture the reader.

With this kind of description you need to be vivid and pick meaningful words. It is an immediate experience. The character not only sees everything, but uses all the senses to draw the reader into the story and his/her feelings. When using your character's POV to write narrative you are making the scene so integral to the character you can't take it from one book and use it in another.

Use words and phrases that trap the reader and provoke emotion, saving the most important element for last in the paragraph.

Here's a decent descriptive paragraph.

Jack looked over the hood of his corvette and studied Elaine. Her long, brown hair hung to the middle of her back. The red suit she wore fit her body well and stopped just above her knees. Moving his gaze down her shapely legs, he caught sight of a shiny pair of red, high heels.

Okay, that was not a bad description. But what if:

Jack stood at the driver's side of his prized corvette and watched Elaine toss her wavy, auburn hair over her shoulder and turn. The soft curls clung to her back as she walked away. He missed the seductive scent of her spicy perfume, but the sway of her hips and the way the red suit hugged her curves conjured up steamy nights. His gaze drifted down the short skirt to shapely legs and red, stiletto heels. Sweat beaded his brow at the thought of Elaine in nothing but those heels.

Not only did I describe the woman, I interjected Jack's thoughts, giving the description more impact and letting the reader know how this woman is affecting this man.


When you are describing setting you still need to put in the character's thoughts, but you can set the tone and mood as well:

The water splashed against the windows as the wind battered the house. The women inside huddled under their sleeping bags, interjecting their worries each time a gust of wind buffeted the windows. The power went out sending the house in darkness.

Or:

The spray of waves rapped on the quivering windows. Nose and eye stinging smoke filled the room from the defunct fireplace no longer emitting heat or light. Power surged through the house spiking the hair on our arms before darkness shrouded the heaving house. Could the night get any worse? Wind blasted the glass wall as the phone rang shrilly. Becky navigated the furniture and sleeping bags to reach the phone. She jabbed at the buttons until an anxious male voice urged, "Get out of there, it's a monsoon."

Now, take one of your narrative paragraphs and beef it up. Did it help set the scene or delve into your character or setting more?