I fully admit to being selfish with this topic. I LOVE to write dialogue, I LOVE to read dialogue, but I find it the HARDEST thing to edit. So, this is as much about picking everyone's brains about dialogue as it is about educating.
Why have dialogue?
Unless your target market is literary fiction, you NEED dialogue and lots of it. Dialogue creates tension, moves your story along, develops your characters, but most importantly, it's FUN to read.
Consider the following passage from Lori Foster's Say No to Joe? :
"I can't imagine too many people dumb enough to take you on."
Joe gave a wolfish grin. "Yet you never hesititate."
Afronted by the suggestion that she might be dumb, Luna said, "I believe I've avoided you."
Now imagine that same passage with: Luna avoided Joe. She wasn't dumb enough to take him on.
All the sizzle is gone! Sans dialogue she seems grumpy instead of sassy, and we don't get any hint of the chemistry between them.Dialogue lets readers get inside each character's head without head hopping. This important. The above scene is in Joe's POV, but we learn so much about Luna without any whiplash.
In first person books, dialogue is absolutely essential. Consider this example from Enchanted, Inc. by Shanna Swendson:
"Hey doll, welcome to the club."
I stepped into the church yard and craned my neck to look up at him. "Hi, Sam. And thanks. I'm looking foward to it. I think."
"Oh don't worry about it. You'll do great. They're good people and they need you, so they'll treat you right. You picked a good time to join, too. Things are about to get interesting."
Now imagine: I walked home and worried about whether I had made the right decision.
None of the same energy. Piper would open a can of telling-not-showing whoopass all over such a passage. The quoted passage avoids this trap by having the character have a conversation with a Gargoyle. Yes, a gargoyle. A minor secondary character, but the dialogue reveals his personality far better than any description AND imparts essential information--Things are about to get interesting. The narrator couldn't learn that on her own. The key lesson here is have your character talk to SOMEONE. Anyone. Even a gargoyle.
What makes good dialogue?
* It's snappy. Dialogue needs to be fast paced, with fairly quick exchanges. Monologues don't usually work on paper. Even Shakespeare used them sparingly.
* It's true to the voice of each speaker. An Ozark woman is not going to speak like a New Yorker even if you don't use any vernacular.
* It's easy to follow. As a reader, there is nothing I hate more than not knowing who is speaking or having a conversation start, stop for a long information dump, then resume 10 pages later. It's like having someone walk away and come back 20 minutes later and want to continue the conversation.
* It keeps the same POV during the dialogue. Head hopping within a single scene of dialogue is not for the faint of heart. Clearly show the shift if you do this.
* It tells us something. Don't show us what they ordered for dinner or recount the conversation with the valet. The Enchanted, Inc. example works because the seemingly mundane conversation actually contains a lot of foreshadowing. Dialogue needs to serve a purpose.
* It's easy to read. It doesn't overwhelm readers with vernacular. It doesn't contain endless "said" and "bookisms." The reader should flow seamlessly through the dialogue--it should never slow a scene down unless you have a VERY good reason for doing so.
Now for the hard part, How do you format dialogue?
I suck at this. Seriously. But here are the basics as I understand them:
* Each speaker gets a new paragraph which is indented
* You can't have two speakers in a single paragraph.
* Dialogue tags get commas, actions get periods.
* Click here for more on basics of formating
Questions on Dialogue
Once you have the basic formatting down, things get trickier.
Next set of examples are all from my WIP.
Leading with action is fine right? But what if both sides of the dialogue are bracketed with action. Is that still okay?
Instead, he looked away and studied my IV line. "It hurts. You're hurt." He looked up at me, big brown eyes which reflected the same fear that had plagued me for weeks.
Should there be a new paragraph after "hurt" ??? This is the type of formatting issue that drives me nuts.
What do you do with a complex set of action and dialogue? Different authors seem to treat this differently:
"Oh Lou! Ouch, indeed! That IV's coming loose." Carol looked more pained than I felt. She scurried around and grabbed a stack of gauze from a side table. "Here--goodness knows when the nurses will get back to you--we'll just fix it in the meantime. Did you know that I was a nurse's aide way back when?"
She chattered and before I knew what happened, she removed the dangling IV needle and pressed the gauze over dripping hole. "I bet that feels better doesn't it?" She wound the tubing back over the rack.
I've seen some authors tack long descriptions on after dialogue and others break to a new paragraph for even a sentence or two of description. When you are mixing dialogue and description how do you know when to break?
If the POV character is reacting to something the speaker just said, should that be a new paragraph---I've seen authors do it both ways.
My number one goal in formatting dialogue is to avoid distraction---I don't want any obvious formatting errors that take away from what is being said. But, knowing WHAT is distracting to an editor is half the battle.
What makes dialogue work for you? What dialogue do's and don'ts can you add? And most importantly, what formatting issues do you struggle with? Do you have any good resources for formatting dialogue beyond the basic comma, period, new speaker issues? PLEASE share.
14 comments:
You are a dialogue Goddess, Eli! I love reading your blog posts where your characters are talking. You are the supreme dialogue Queen!
Okay, my dialogue. I like to make sure I drop the g on words for certain characters (westerns, I can do that) to make each character sound a little different. Also give them pet words or phrases.
As for the structure - I go with what feels right in my gut. No book, no lessons, just what makes sense and feels right.
I prefer actions after the dialogue to tags. But sometimes tags make more sense. And I like to stir it up and put the action before the words.
This was a good post, now I have to figure out what to follow it with tomorrow~!
I love writing dialog. Sometimes I get a conversation in my head and just quickly keyboard it all down, without tags or action. Later I can go back and add thoes.
As for structure: I start a new paragraph when the subject changes, even if it is the same speaker,
"Good job today, wavybrains," she said with a smile.
Thanks Danita and Paty! I feel less anxious editing now :) After almost two weeks of editing, I begin to think in dialogue :)
Danita, I often do what you do. I like to think of it as just letting the movie play in my head, get the first draft down, then edit it later (Hence the two weeks of edits.) Great tip on switching when the subject changes!
Great post, Bethany!
I love dialogue. Especially witty, snappy, keeps-you-on-the-edge-of-your-seat dialogue that reveals information about characters without info dumps. I love to write dialogue (obviously), and I love the fact writing gives me time to come up with those snappy answers I don't always think to give in real life. ;)
As for guidelines - I recently edited a partial for a writer (not in our chapter) and found most of her problems dealt with dialogue. Bad dialogue pops you right out of the action and distracts a reader from the story. So the things I think most writers need to remember when writing dialogue are:
1. To keep one character's actions separate from another's words. You mentioned this before and it's important.
Karl looked up and smiled.
"Why are you grinning like a hyena?" Melissa narrowed her eyes. "Do I have the word idiot stamped to my forehead?"
2. Using double tags. I tend to like action more than traditional tags, although sometimes "he said" or "she said" works best. A lot of times though, writers use double tags without knowing it. I'm guilty of that, and it's something I look for in revisions.
Martha pinned her hair up on her head. "I look like a goofball," she said.
Doesn't need "she said." I already know Martha's the one talking based on the action.
3. Using pronouns interchangeably. This was something I found distracting in the chapters I recently critted. In a scene with two females, the writer was using she and her interchangeably, and I had no idea who was speaking half the time.
Now, to answer your questions:
Yes, leading with action is fine. I try not to bury dialogue between action though, because it tends to get lost. So in your example, if you feel it's imperative to keep both actions, I'd probably separate the dialogue so it's not buried. It also gives the moment more impact with the "You're hurt" being at the end instead of in the middle:
Instead, he looked away and studied my IV line. "It hurts." He glanced up at me, big brown eyes which reflected the same fear that had plagued me for weeks. "You're hurt."
I thought your second example was fine. :)
In the last one, I'd separate what the main character is thinking from the speaker's actions:
She chattered, and before I knew what happened, she removed the dangling IV needle and pressed the gauze over the dripping hole.
"I bet that feels better doesn't it?" She wound the tubing back over the rack.
Others might have different ideas, but without seeing the whole scene, that's what I'd do.
Oooh thanks for all the tips Eli! Paty is right, you are a dialogue Goddess. My editing may NEVER end now as I feel compelled to go back to the begining with some of those tips. :) :) Editing time increases with knowledge, but hopefully so does quality!
Okay Bethany shoot me now! I thought you were Elisabeth, no wonder I was quaking in my boots thinking I had to blog tomorrow.
That's bad! all I did was read the dialogue and thought it was Eli without looking at the name at the end!
Can I crawl under a rock now?
Oh, and I now dub Wavy and Eli as co-dialogue queens!
you thought I was Eli?? By my dialogue???? My head just swelled too big to fit out my office door. I'll take that compliment anyday!
xWavybrains--Good post, intelligent questions.
I love dialogue. Witty banter is great and I used to really be good at it. Not all dialogue can be witty, of course, and sometimes, it needs to be an info. dump because an info dump in dialogue is still preferable to one in narration, just be as subtle as you can. As for revealing a character, nothing is better.
I always read my dialogue outloud, or at least I used to. Can't recall if I still do but I think it's good advice. You can catch pretentious, twisted sentences no one would actually utter.
I prefer very subtle tags to more overt ones, but this is also something I have adapted over the years. I remember when people used to say give 'em a tag, have one chew gum and one scratch his nose, etc...Don't do that with everyone, it gets old. Subtle tags, I think, harken back to a character's essence. If they are mean spirited through and through, then they are going to talk that way because they think that way. Another one has to do with tags that come up and then go away and change. The character has been thirsty for four hours and the other character is drinking from a bottle of ice water as they speak. The first character's temporary tag is his lust for the friend's water. Does that make sense? You're probably saying, "Duh."
Good dialogue provides a visual as well as a narrative respite which a reader craves. The amount of white on a page as opposed to black (print) is actually important on some level to most readers.
As for your examples:
Leading with action is fine right? But what if both sides of the dialogue are bracketed with action. Is that still okay?
Instead, he looked away and studied my IV line. "It hurts. You're hurt." He looked up at me, big brown eyes which reflected the same fear that had plagued me for weeks.
***Sometimes I bury the dialogue, sometimes I don't. The goal of every sentence is to finish with the strongest thought or word just as it is true that the goal of every paragraph is exactly the same. Think of it this way: When writing mysteries, actual clues are often hidden within lists of red herrings. "I don't know," Gary said. "Maybe he shot the guy on the beach or in the forest or on top of a freakin' mountain." You can be pretty certain the guy wasn't shot on the top of the freakin' mountain. Probably the forest. It's the same with political adds or legal stuff, more your bailiwick than mine! Important but unpleasant things tend to get buried. Hence, turning this around, we can see that the stuff you want your readers to see should come at the end.
I imagine your paragraph is perfectly correct grammar wise, but that "which" bothers me! Eli is right, leading with action is good. Engages the reader. And as long as you are i that reader's head, you can pretty much, as a rule, stay in the paragraph. Some of this is instinct and I bet your instincts are sound.
I would do this:
Instead, he looked away and studied my IV line. His gaze, when it returned to my face, reflected the same fear that had plagued me for weeks. "It hurts. You're hurt," he whispered.
Note: I used a double tag! Eli is rolling her eyes! But I like the whisper. And I also like your two lines together. See how many ways there are to do it? There isn't one right way or we'd all write the same damn sentences!
What do you do with a complex set of action and dialogue? Different authors seem to treat this differently:
"Oh Lou! Ouch, indeed! That IV's coming loose." Carol looked more pained than I felt. She scurried around and grabbed a stack of gauze from a side table. "Here--goodness knows when the nurses will get back to you--we'll just fix it in the meantime. Did you know that I was a nurse's aide way back when?"
She chattered and before I knew what happened, she removed the dangling IV needle and pressed the gauze over dripping hole. "I bet that feels better doesn't it?" She wound the tubing back over the rack.
***This is perfect! Don't sweat every single sentence! You're good.
I've seen some authors tack long descriptions on after dialogue and others break to a new paragraph for even a sentence or two of description. When you are mixing dialogue and description how do you know when to break?
***That's called style and instincts and again, trust yours. This is fiction and style adds a component to the actual words. You have your own style as shown in this example. Embrace it!
If the POV character is reacting to something the speaker just said, should that be a new paragraph---I've seen authors do it both ways.
***Let's eee:
Mary sat down in the big brown chair.
Bob said, "I wish you'd stand." Mary rolled her eyes and contemplated getting to her feet. No, let the jerk sit down if he wanted to be eye to eye.
Mary sat down in the big brown chair.
"I wish you'd stand," Bob said.
She rolled her eyes and contemplated getting to her feet. No, let the jerk sit if he wanted to be eye to eye.
I'd do it the second way. Again, it may change according to situation and length of reaction, but it needs to be clear and "seem" right.
Wavy--It appears to me, and I may be way wrong, that you are trying to approach this in a very analytical way and do everything "right." I suggest you read things outloud and if they are clear to you and the dog, and if it sounds good, be assured no editor is going to turn away your material on the basis of broken rules. From the examples you gave, there is nothing wrong with your style.
Do you have any good resources for formatting dialogue beyond the basic comma, period, new speaker issues? PLEASE share.
***Speaking as the the-instinctual writer that I apparently am, I will tell you my best rule-read. I will reread conversation and dialogue over and over just because I like it. See what your favorite writer's do, read your stuff as it's meant to be said, give your charcaters their owm, true voices, watch your punctuation and stop sweating the small stuff.
That's my advice. Sorry to be so wordy.
Alice
Good advice, Alice. I love it when you get into teacher mode! I always glean something.
WOW! Great tips Alice. I read everything aloud when editing--it is the best way to catch little mistakes and glitches, dialogue included. The dog and both cats think I am nuts. You're right I'm overthinking the formatting stuff, but SO MANY contest judges get hung up on minor formatting stuff. I hope editors are not the same way. One judge marked me down for formatting because "I think dialogue should always end like this." She said. "I don't care that THIS is standard," scoffed and marked the constestant off for the comma.
Wavy--I have never entered a contest. I have, however, known contest judges, not all of whom were truly qualified to tell ANYONE what did or did not constitute good writing. Remember what's his name who talked to us the other night and said the only %100 percent rule is that you must engage the reader's emotions %100 percent of the time? YES!
Please, from my limited experience, don't take contest judge's comments as any kind of verbatim. Ask Paty and Danita and Eli and probably many of the others who have more experience about contest experience. If they don't answer here--as it is late in the day for this blog--ask them privately or on the loop.
I thought your writing was very good. Really.
So there.
Alice
Wavy, don't take everything a judge says and change it! They are human and have their own thoughts on things. If there suggestions don't sound or feel right, don't do it. They are not the people who are going to buy you books.
Your dialogue is good - don't let a judge from a contest tell you any different.
ROFLMAO. You ladies crack me up. ;)
Bethany, I echo Alice and Paty's comments. Don't take a contest judge's comments as gold. Like a critique, pick and choose what's useful to you. Pay careful attention to whether the judge is published or unpublished. Not to say a published judge won't give you bad advice, too, but generally speaking, I've found unpublished judges are much harder on contest scores than published. They tend to score down for "rule breaking" and anything that goes against what they've learned. (oh, geez, I could go on and on about contests...)
Alice and Paty are also right in that your writing is strong and your dialogue flows well. I don't think you have anything to worry about. :)
Thanks for all the support ladies. I was particularly frustrated at the Format Nazi because I had 3 scores good enough to final YA, and hers was the kicker. You are right though--you have no idea WHY they are being harsh--bad day, no coffee, wrong ideas . . . . THANSKS!!!
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