Saturday, May 22, 2010
Deborah and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day*
Confession time. I've been struggling for the last few weeks and I haven't wanted to admit it, to myself or anyone else. You see, I'd convinced myself that when the day job was gone that I'd be ready to blast away at the keyboard. I had grand visions of writing a gazillion words every day, easily finishing one book this year (if not two!). But the problem is, the day job deserted me—I didn't choose to leave the day job.
I've been ignoring (or trying to) most of the negative feelings that are natural to have as a result of this. Because while it's true that what happened really is the way that I was (mostly) hoping it would go, it still wasn't my choice. And it stings. More than I thought it would.
I've been all over the map emotionally and I haven't been making things better by constantly reminding myself that I'm not meeting the writing goals I set for myself. "Hey, it's been three months. Get over it, already!" Yeah, that helped. Things came to a bit of an emotional head yesterday. I won't go into the whys--they're boring and irrelevant. Let's just say I had a really—no, really—bad day and leave it at that.
I'm allowing myself a bit of time to decide what I really want to write, right now. I already have a couple of ideas bubbling that I'm kind of excited about, but I'm going to think about things for a bit more before jumping right back in. I've given myself permission to do this without feeling guilty. I'm not sure why that was necessary, but, trust me, it was.
I doubt that it'll take long before I decide on a story. And I haven't changed my ultimate goals for the year: 1) finish a book, and 2) submit to the Golden Heart. But it's funny how free I suddenly feel.
How was your week? Tell us your ups and downs, your victories and stumbles. And if you see my elephant? Let me know if he's found romance yet.
* Maybe I should move to Australia