Saturday, May 22, 2010

SATURDAY CHECK-IN



Deborah and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day*

Confession time. I've been struggling for the last few weeks and I haven't wanted to admit it, to myself or anyone else. You see, I'd convinced myself that when the day job was gone that I'd be ready to blast away at the keyboard. I had grand visions of writing a gazillion words every day, easily finishing one book this year (if not two!). But the problem is, the day job deserted me—I didn't choose to leave the day job.

I've been ignoring (or trying to) most of the negative feelings that are natural to have as a result of this. Because while it's true that what happened really is the way that I was (mostly) hoping it would go, it still wasn't my choice. And it stings. More than I thought it would.

I've been all over the map emotionally and I haven't been making things better by constantly reminding myself that I'm not meeting the writing goals I set for myself. "Hey, it's been three months. Get over it, already!" Yeah, that helped. Things came to a bit of an emotional head yesterday. I won't go into the whys--they're boring and irrelevant. Let's just say I had a really—no, really—bad day and leave it at that.

The bright spot is that I finally acknowledged the elephant in the room. Getting him out in the open (and letting him wander off in search of romance) allowed me to take an honest look at what I've been writing lately. Let's just say that the current story is going on the back burner (way, way back) for now and leave it at that.

I'm allowing myself a bit of time to decide what I really want to write, right now. I already have a couple of ideas bubbling that I'm kind of excited about, but I'm going to think about things for a bit more before jumping right back in. I've given myself permission to do this without feeling guilty. I'm not sure why that was necessary, but, trust me, it was.

I doubt that it'll take long before I decide on a story. And I haven't changed my ultimate goals for the year: 1) finish a book, and 2) submit to the Golden Heart. But it's funny how free I suddenly feel.

How was your week? Tell us your ups and downs, your victories and stumbles. And if you see my elephant? Let me know if he's found romance yet.


* Maybe I should move to Australia

5 comments:

Alice Sharpe said...

Now, of course, I'm curious to know what happened to send the pachyderm packing. Curiosity. Ack.

I totally get where you're coming from. My last deadline ended two weeks before my mother died so I lost two of the main reasons I got up in the morning all at once. It's been a struggle to get my feet back on the ground, but pretending something doesn't hurt when it does is pointless and seldom if ever works.

I'm glad you've figured things out and hope you have patience with yourself as you rediscover life without external deadlines (at least until that first book sells and then woohoo, baby, look out.)

Speaking of external deadlines, my news of the week includes selling three books to Harlequin. Found out yesterday. So, I'm back in the game and yep, it feels great.

Thanks for sharing your epiphany.

Deborah Wright said...

Yay Alice!! Look at you, selling three more books! You're an inspiration, you are. :-)

I didn't mean to sound all mysterious. When I said it was boring, I meant it. Yesterday was just a culmination of all the bad feelings that I'd been suppressing bursting out at once. Nothing grand, but definitely bleh for me personally. At least it woke me up. A couple of glasses of red wine last night didn't hurt, either. ;-)

Paty Jager said...

Debbie,
It's good you have figured out the wrench in your progress. I think everyone is entitled to have an off time when things disrupt our life and may or may not be exactly what we want. I look forward to hearing what you decide to write about.

Alice, congrats on the three books. Did we not all tell you it would happen??

As for my week. Had fun watching the granddaughter's first piano recital, then had a facial(my mother's day gift from my oldest daughter) changed pipes in Princeton where I had limited internet access and actually managed to make good progress on my WIP which has me starting a new goal.

I will not open any internet connections until I have written at least 2000 words every week day.

I'm also writing blogs for the twelve day blog tour I have going in June for the release of Doctor in Petticoats.

Genene Valleau said...

(((HUGS))) to you, Debbie! And congratulations on taking another step into healing. As usual, I agree with Alice: sometimes things just hurt. And it's OK to admit that and scream about how unfair life is or cry or wallow in it for awhile or write a bad story or have a horrible day or a couple glasses of wine or whatever helps you get through it.

How long does this take? Your wisdom is showing when you say you're allowing yourself time to decide what you want to write without guilt.

And, although it may be considered blasphemous by some writers, you may also want to take the time to decide how much of your time will be devoted to writing. For years, I tried to feel enthusiastic about spending every spare minute writing. Didn't happen. I finally realized I needed to balance writing with the other passions in my life. That works FOR ME. Others have different journeys. Now, when I find myself thinking I "should" do this or that, I question why. Is it what I really want or am I trying to meet someone else's expectations?

By the way, I'm getting a bit concerned about your relationship with elephants. First you had romantic elephants in your stories. Then you had them in your rooms and unleashed them to roam in search of romance. LOL!

I've meandered far afield from our writing check-in. First off, I want to say my yard is looking might fine. I've been spending some good chunks of time in "dirt therapy" and it's paying off.

I've also been spending some good chunks of time working on my novella for St. Patrick's Day 2011, and am very pleased with the progress. Am turning cryptic notes into actual story and have added about 3000 words this past week. Looking forward to more steady progress on this story for the upcoming week.

Alice, happy dancin' for your sale of three more books! It wasn't a matter of if, but when, in my not-so-humble opinion. CONGRATULATIONS!

Katie said...

YAY FOR YOU, DEBBIE!!!! Oh, now you can just let your creativity flow and it will be so much better now! I am excited for you. ^_^ *is jumping up and down*

Alice, congrats on 3 more books! That's HUGE. You're sort of amazing, ya know that? ;)

Happy writing, everyone! :D