I'm filling in for Eli's Friday spot. I have some time now, while squirt is sleeping and DH is at work. Forgive me if I'm stepping on your blog toes, Genene.
I may have forwarded this email on to a couple of you -- if so, sorry for the redundancy. This list cracked me up, but that's not the only reason I'm sharing it. I thought it offered a lot of insight into women with alcohol altered minds (besides bringing back a lot of college memories. Ha!) And who hasn't, or won’t at one time or another, write about an alcohol impaired character?
So, read the list, chuckle if you will, then check out the exercise at the bottom of the page.
WHEN GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH.
1) WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.
2) WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.
3) WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S BUTT AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE CAN DO IT TOO.
4) IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE LIKE HOMELESS HOOKERS THAN THE GODDESSES WE LOOKED LIKE JUST FOUR SHORT HOURS AGO.
5) WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.
6) WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAYS BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"
7) WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US. AND THOSE HORN-RIMMED GLASSES AND OILY HAIR PARTED ON THE SIDE ACTUALLY SORT OF LOOK GOOD ON HIM.
8) WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING, AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.
9) WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY GIVING US PLAIN LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE VODKA.
10) WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR (or the mop?)
11) WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN WE SIT ON IT.
12) WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S ALL THEIR FAULT THAT WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.
I think that pretty well sums up drunken women, especially young, drunken women. However, men don't do these same things when they've had too much to drink, do they? (Except for number three). And as certain as we'll someday write about a drunken woman or two, we may also find ourselves someday in need of some drunken male material. So, let's sit down with a nice toddy or hot-buttered rum and compile our own list of
WHEN GUYS DRINK TOO MUCH:
I'll go first:
1) Guys grow increasingly invincible with each alcoholic beverage they down. As the country song goes, men grow "ten feet tall and bullet proof."
2) Their pickup lines become more and more cliché: "How yoo doin'?" "What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?" Or, my fave, "Hey baby, what's your sign?"