Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I have been very good this year. I barely yelled when my two-year old spilled red candle wax all over my beige carpet. I only screamed once when he took a marker to our fireplace stones. Each time the five-year old plugged up the toilet I bit my tongue and didn't mention Power Rangers aren't scuba divers. When the eight-year old tormented her brothers just to hear them scream, I may have yelled a little, but not nearly as loud as I could have. And I certainly didn't follow through on the threat to murder the DH in his sleep if he bothered me one more time while I was working.

In exchange for my year of angelic behavior, I'm requesting the following on my Christmas List:

1. For peace and prosperity and all that other crap.

2. For family harmony (I can request it. I know there's not a snowball's chance in hell of this actually happening.)

3. For the skinny aerobics instructors at the gym to each gain 5o lbs.

4. For my RWA chapter members to volunteer willingly for things without rolling their eyes and looking away (you know who you are).

5. For my computer to do what I want when I want it.

6. For days of peace and quiet where I can actually get some work done without hearing, "MOOOOOM!!!!" every five minutes.

7. For the death of my procrastination gene.

8. For an editor to love my writing enough to actually BUY something.

9. For a six figure deal (another pie-in-the-sky wish, but hey, why not add it to the list?)

10. And finally, for the start of a prosperous career (which, in case you can't read between the lines, Santa, means not just one sale, but many more as well).

That's it. Ten measly things. I think I've been good enough to get these. And seriously, none are things your little elves actually have to make up in your workshop, so it should be a piece of cake.

Happy Holidays,

Eli

***

What's on your Christmas List this year?

11 comments:

Alice Sharpe said...

Dear Elisabeth,

Below read the responses to your Christmas list:

1. Sorry, kid. I'm strictly a carry it in a knapsack kind of guy.

2. ditto

3. Done

4. Ho, ho, ho!

5. buy a Mac

6. Lock the kids outside

7. The procrastination gene is connected to the chocolate gene. Are you sure about this?

8. Done

9. Ho, ho, ho.

10. Santa will do his best

Frankly, Elisabeth, its much easier for me to point at my elves and order a rocking horse than it is to come up with a six figure book deal with options on everything else you ever think let alone write. Santa suggests you not start tipping the old wine bottle so early in the day.

Happy Holidays,

Santa

Paty Jager said...

Great wish list, Eli!

And Alice! ROFLMAO! What a hoot with the Santa reply!

My wish list:

1. More time to write.

2. Getting editors to like things that may not be the "in" thing right now.

3. Hoping an editor will bite on my series idea.

4. That all my writing friends accomplish their goals this coming year.

Can't think of ten at the moment.
Fun!!!

Karen Duvall said...

Fun list, Eli! And Alice, you're a riot!

1. Write 2 more books in 2008 (holy toledo)

2. Get an agent

3. Get a multi-book contract for my Chalice series

4. Have husband get a job he actually LIKES this time (the constant complaining is driving me nuts)

5. See my kids more

6. Work less and make more money

7. Write more and make more money

8. Lose fifteen pounds (twenty wouldn't hurt)

9. Make the hot flashes GO AWAY!

10. Have my book sell at auction for six figures

This was a hard list to write! Makes me think I don't have it so bad. 8^) It's been said that when you write down what you wish for, it's more likely to happen. If that's the case, it looks like we're going to be seeing a few bestsellers next year! Yes!

wavybrains said...

Great post Eli!!!

Dear Santa,

I've been very good this year. I endured the never-ending pregnancy and nearly 50(!!!!) rejection letters. That combo alone should qualify me for sainthood let alone a few measly gifts. Thus, I think it's reasonable of me to ask for:

1) 6 consecutive hours of sleep a night, every night. Notice that I'm not even begging for 8. Just 6. But every night, not these once-a-fortnight gifts I'm currently getting.
2) A nanny (or Grandma) to magically appear at 3:30 each day and keep the baby until she's happy again or dinner is over, which ever happens first.
3) 20 pounds to magically fall off.
4) For three to happen AND healthy, tasty meals start magically appearing in my kitchen three times a day AND dessert to arrive each evening
5) For my writing mojo to reappear
6) For the procrastination gene to be replaced with an automatic-up-and-at-em gene.
7) Automatic Diaper changer.

In fact Santa, if you could just bring me 1) and 7) I'd be a happy girl :)

Paty Jager said...

Karen, great career building wish list.

Wavy, cute list. If I lived closer I could help you out a time or two a week. But the commute right now is a killer!

Elisabeth Naughton said...

Dear Santa (again),

You gave the girl a new house, a father AND a baby brother in Miracle on 34th Street. None of those things fit in your knapsack. My wish list is easy compared to that.

I'm not sure you want child services knowing Father Christmas, that jolly old elf who is loved and adored by children everywhere, gave a mother advice to lock her children out of her house. (Yes, I'm resorting to blackmail. What's a struggling writer to do?)

So as not to sound ungrateful, I do appreciate the work you're doing on my behalf. Keep doing it.

Sincerely,
Eli

PS: I was under the assumption my wine tipping abilities were strictly hush-hush. Santa needs to learn to keep secrets to himself!

Genene said...

What a riot, ladies!

I'm not sure I even got to last year's list -- and what happened to last year, by the way? But here goes on this year's list:

1) Property out of town where I won't be concerned that my herd of furry darlings is disturbing the neighbors.

2) Peace on earth and goodwill toward all things furred, feathered and finned.

3) A magic housecleaning wand that will keep the muddy tracks off the floors and keep the stacks of "stuff" from leaning precariously when the herd thunders outside in the morning.

4) An unlimited budget for attending writers' conferences and events. Hey, while we're listing, why not an unlimited budget for everything?

5) Words of writing wisdom that appear magically on the screen as soon as my fingers touch the keyboard.

6) The love, kindness and generosity of the Christmas spirit throughout the whole year. :)

Lisa Pulliam said...

Haha! Great idea Eli! Fun lists everyone!

Hmmm. My wish list for Santa is:
1) Health and happiness for my family and friends
2) My parent's debt & house magically paid off
3) My debt magically paid off
4) A finished draft of a book in decent condition
5) To lose weight
6) Have my hair as soft and shiny everyday as it is when I leave the salon
7) Get into the field school in Poland this summer
8) An open acceptance letter to the grad school of my choice
9) A clean house
10) Elimination of my procrastination tendency and pack-rat tendency

Danita Cahill said...

Okay my Christmas list. I'm cheating and asking for 11 things:

1. A healthy, happy baby.

2. To sell a book (followed by more)to an editor who truly loves my work.

3. For my dad to take off his Hugh Hefner-colored glasses and kick the married/lying/clepto/money-grubbing bimbo that he's currently living with to the curb.

4. A pair of of slippers.

5. For my daughter to realize the value of school.

6. For one good photography job a month, scheduled through 2008.

7. For health, wealth and beauty -- not only for me, but for all those I love and care about.

8. A new kitchen rug.

9. For an end to homelessness in this land of plenty.

10. For our government to step in and put a stop to soaring oil prices.

11. The new Eagles CD. The Eagles. They're back. How cool is that?

Paty Jager said...

As when I was a child- My list for Santa was always shorter than my brothers and now I see everyone else has a much longer list than me. LOL

But I would like to add to my list a laptop computer that has a battery that lasts longer than an hour! I've been looking but the pocketbook and dh isn't impressed! Even though he's already making plans to use the old laptop at work. Hmmm... must be someway to use that to my advantage.

Danita Cahill said...

Mmmm...could be your DH has an in with Santa, Paty and he knows what you're getting all ready.

But don't hold your breath. Once I was so sure my ex was giving me a saddle -- the right size box, right weight, and the only thing I really wanted. When I opened the box on Christmas, I don't know how well I hid my dissappointment when the box contained a little marble-top end table. It was cute, but it wasn't no saddle.