Hey, I'm late, but I'm here. That's something, I guess, after over a month of non-blogging while we worked on building a deck and painting our house. We got most of the house painting done before my DH broke his ankle, but that's a whole nother story.
Anyway, today's blog is something of a copout, but I hope not a let down. It's from a funny email forward from my aunt, and not anything original by me at all. But, I got a kick out of it, and I hope you will too.
So, without further ado, here is How To Write Good by Frank L. Vico. Thanks, Frank, whoever the heck you are, for helping me out today. My cowgirl hat's off to you, man.
My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules:
1... Avoid alliteration. Always.
2... Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3... Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4... Employ the vernacular.
5... Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6... Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7... It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8... Contractions aren't necessary
9... Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10... One should never generalize.
11... Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said:
"I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
12... Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13... Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary;
I mean, like, you know, it's highly superfluous.
14... Profanity sucks.
15... Be more or less specific.
16... Understatement is always best.
17... Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
18... One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19... Analogies in writing are like, you know, feathers on a snake.
20... The passive voice is to be avoided.
21... Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
22... Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
23... Who needs rhetorical questions?
Do you have any other writing "rules" to add? And how many of these rules do you love to break? I lost count after a dozen. Ha!